What Can't Be Healed (Snund)
by Dawnasaurr
Summary: Some things just can't be healed, some hurts never fully close. Snakes past is a long and dark one, his future clouded by things he can't escape. He needs help. M for future chapters. Mainly for violence. Snund with side of PewdieCry, and RedxRuss.
1. Sterile Rooms & Locked Doors

**Full Summary: **

**Some things just can't be healed, some hurts never fully close. Snakes past is a long and dark one, his future clouded by things he can't escape. He needs help, the blackouts are getting worse and while he's thankful for Cry giving him a place to stay, he's not sure he can live with what he can't remember doing and seeing the evidence of these things showing up on Cry's face, well, he's just not sure how much longer he can take it. So Cry calls in a favor to an old buddy, Jund, a once renowned psychiatrist now private practice therapist. Anything to help a friend...right?**

**(So sorry, I'm terrible at summary's.)**

***This Chapter is short but it gets better as it goes. Promise. Lots of the LNC will be showing their face. Was first posted on my tumblr.**

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**I. Sterile Rooms & Locked Doors **

Uncomfortable, that's what he felt. It practically radiated off of him. He did not want to be here, it felt fake, too sterilized, a façade to make you feel comfortable—it just put him on edge. When he walked into the room it was like one of those staged homes they make for bullshit open houses. The ones they make to "show" you how the house could look, even though both client and seller know they could never in a million years afford to make it look that way. He wanted out, the pressure of being there weighing on his shoulders as he sat in an uncomfortable chair and listened.

"Everything heals in time; at least that's what they'll tell you. Well I'm here to tell you that's bullshit. Some things just can't be healed. There's no potion, no remedy, no mystical power that can heal some hurts, some things are just too deep to touch."

Was this guy for real, what the fuck was even the point of this, "Then why am I even here," he asked, voicing his thoughts aloud.

"That's the question isn't it? I didn't call you, I didn't make an appointment at this office, and I didn't make any of the decisions that led you here. Something inside you is broken, and I'll be honest with you … Snake?"

He nodded.

"I'll be honest with you Snake, I can't heal you. I can't put the pieces of your life back together. Only you can do that, but I can help you get there. I can get you to the point where it won't take all the energy in you just to get out of bed; I can help the pain you feel now fade. I can help you cope, release that rage, but you have to want it, you have to want to get past this trauma, have to hand over the guilt, or it _will_ eat you alive."

Snake scratched the back of his neck and sighed, head still down staring at the carpet, memorizing the patterns and colors that seemed to weave through it. "I don't know what I want; I just don't want to hurt anyone else. I've done enough damage, caused enough suffering, and I'm not sure I even want help. I deserve the pain, the memories, I don't want or need anyone's pity, not even yours."

"Listen, I'm not here to pity you, and I won't. No one deserves the hand you've been dealt, and I'll do what I can. It's not going to be easy, and you'll hate me most of the time, this is something that we'll have to work through together, it's not something that just gets better, it's a process, and a long one. Just keep in mind; you'll never heal from this, just recover from it, if that makes sense."

"Yea, I hear ya Doc," he sighed, and let the silence stretch between them. He looked up and eyed the Doctor for the first time since he walked in, short and lanky came to mind, but then again to him everyone seemed short. There was something about him though, determination maybe, but for whatever reason Snake thought that maybe he really could help. 'It wasn't going to be easy,' that was an understatement; Snake was bull-headed and had a temper that frayed at the slightest provocation, but this wasn't just about him. He wasn't sure what he was capable of anymore, and the blackouts were getting worse.

"No drugs," it was a request and demand all in one.

Tension visibly released from the doctors shoulders. "If that's what you want, no medication," he said sinking back in his chair as if he'd won some argument that was never voiced.

Snake nodded, "So when's the first session?"

**—-X—-**

Snake slammed the car door shut behind him as he climbed into the passenger's seat.

"So, how'd the consultation go?"

Snake took a deep breath trying not to snap, "Cry, I just got in the damn car, give me a sec would ya?"

He at least had the decency to look chagrined before responding, "Yea, sorry bro."

Snake wasn't sure what he wanted, he knew Cry just wanted to help and in truth he had. He was the only reason he agreed to go to the stupid psychiatrist … or was it therapist, (what's the difference anyways) in the first place. He knew something needed to change though and if Cry trusted this head doctor maybe he should at least give it a chance. He owed a lot to Cry and it was the least he could do given his current state.

Snake just stared out the windshield, watching the scenery pass them by and wishing it all would just stop. His head pounded with the pressure of keeping everything under control, a now constant battle. He reached into the glove compartment, pouring a few pills out into his hand before tipping them down his throat with a groan. "Sorry for snapping at ya back there, kind of on edge."

"No need to apologize."

There was every reason to apologize and they both knew it, the slowly fading yellow bruise on Cry's cheekbone said it all. He was a monster, but he couldn't bring himself to leave, and he knew Cry would never kick him out, not now. The bruise wasn't the first nor would it be the last; he just wished he could remember doing it.

As if on cue Snake feels an elbow to the arm, "Dude you gotta stop worrying about this stuff. If I say I'm fine, I am fine. It's not_ you_, and it's not that bad, I can deal. Plus if anything it's my fault for getting in your way when that shit happens, it's my choice to intervene and if I say I can handle it, I can."

Snake didn't believe him no matter how many times he said it; if it wasn't that bad he'd tell him what happened when he blacked out. And the dreams after were worse than any possible truth, the not knowing was slowly driving him insane along with everything else. So instead of starting another argument he elected to ignore the comment.

"So uh, how do you know the Doc again?"

Cry shook his head at the obvious dismissal, "Oh that's easy. Jund and I went to high school together and just never really fell out of touch. Still Skype on the weekends occasionally when were both free, kind of unusual considering how different the lives we lead are, but shit's funny that way."

"No kidding," he said letting the silence stretch between them. Thoughts of failure and the monster within swirled inside his head. If this went badly he didn't want anyone to get hurt, and just by the look of him he could snap that doctor in two. "You really think he can help?"

Cry looked over at his companion and smiled, it was a tired smile, but it held all the hope he had. "If anyone can do it buddy, it's him. He won't give up and can give just as much as you dish out, I'd bet money you'll be cursing his name within a month, and that's being generous."

Snake scrunched his face up at this, "That doesn't sound like any kind of therapy I've heard of."

A knowing smile started to spread across Cry's face as they turned onto their street and into the driveway, "Jund, he's a, he's a bit unorthodox. Probably why he opened up his own practice and went from highly sought after psychologist to private practice therapist."

"I see."

Cry patted Snakes arm as a laugh escaped his throat, opening the door with his free hand. "My friend, you don't even know the half of it."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Snake saw Cry shut the car door and race up to the house. Prying himself out of the car, he quickly hurried after up the driveway only to have the door slammed in his face, followed by the sound of the deadbolt locking.

"Really asshole! How old are you?"

"As old as I want to be. Peter Pan told me never to grow up, and I _was _super gullible as a child."

Snake slammed his fist against the door, trying to hold back the grin that was threatening to break free. "Cry open this door or I swear… You just can't say things like that and expect someone not to ask what the hell you meant."

Laughter was the only response.

"Fucking dick."


	2. Insufferable Pricks & Greek Gods

**Warnings: Violence, could possibly trigger some, not sure.**

***The chapters tend to get longer as we go though general level is between 4-6K.**

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**II. Insufferable Pricks & Greek Gods**

_That fucking insufferable prick, what the hell was his damage?_ Snake had been left outside over an hour and his mood was being pushed to the limit. He carefully maneuvered himself from tree branch to roof before pulling himself through the unlocked window of the attic.

Small puffs of dust flew up as his feet made contact with the wood flooring. The place was a ghost town, just used as a basic storage for all the shit that didn't have a place somewhere else. Boxes littered the floor, along with piles old electronics. Even though most of it consisted of dated tech that didn't have much use, Snake just couldn't bring himself to get rid of something that still functioned. He drug his fingers across a few boxes as he made his way through the room, when the words, _"Snake/Repair" _caught his eye. He had been meaning to come up here for ages to get some supplies for his guitar, and without too much thought he grabbed what he needed from the box and continued on.

Weary of every step he descended the stairs, listening for any hint of Cry's location. A few moments later he heard a few snickers coming from Cry's room and the grin that spread across his face this time was for an entirely different reason. Crouching low, back against the wall, slowly and carefully he peered into the room to see his target sitting at his computer, not even an inkling of what was coming his way. Snake steadied his breath: this had to be perfect, only one chance. Better make it count.

Snake crept as quietly as he could, making his way into Cry's room, practically crawling, thankful that Cry had his back to him the entire way. Every step was a game of balance and pressure, no sudden movements, no creaks in the floor boards would be tolerated, but eventually he made it to his destination and started the ascent upwards until he was positioned perfectly behind Cry.

Slipping his hands into his pocket he grabbed the final tool he needed. The fucker would pay. Slowly as not to startle him before the proper moment he leaned in, mouth as close to Cry's ears as he could get without breathing on him, he could almost start to see the fight or flight reflex kick in as the hair on the back of his neck started to stand on end.

Before Cry could even turn Snake spoke in the deepest voice he could produce, simultaneously swinging his hands over Cry's head looping the guitar wire and painfully tightening it around his throat. "Frightened's a good look on you Cry."

Cry's hands flew to his neck in reflex as he gagged and sputtered for the air that was suddenly deprived of him. His legs kicked out, striking his desk and forcing him against his assailant, unwittingly giving him better leverage.

"Shhh, calm down, we don't want this to get out of hand now do we?"

Cry still struggled but soon relaxed under the pressure against his throat, blood already starting to stream across the wire that was digging its way into his neck.

"Good boy," Snake snickered. "I see you're not just a pretty face after all, who knew?"

Cry struggled a little more, gasping and coughing for any little bit of air he could. Snake slackened the wire slightly, just enough so he could breathe, but taught enough so that Cry's body was still forced against Snakes. He coughed some more, sucking in all the air he could, finally in hoarse and labored breath he tried to speak, "Snake…please…not, you…stop."

Without a second thought Snake retightened the strings cutting off Cry's air supply once again, watching as he tried to dig the wire out of his skin to no avail. "Don't think for a second I won't kill you. I have no qualms about letting this wire cut all the way through that neck of yours, so you better cut the shit. You understand me?"

For a moment nothing happened, but as soon as Snake started to pull up on the wire Cry nodded his head as much as he was able, tears spilling down his face.

Snake let up on the wire once again, blood falling freely from the wound now. "Good. Now that we understand each other understand this. I will tolerate nothing less then what I ask of you, you do what I say and you might just live to see tomorrow, got it fucker?"

A few more coughs penetrated the eerie quietness of the rest of the room before Cry turned his neck to the side and glanced up at his once best friend, tears shining in the light of the computers screen, a smile on his face, "Go to hell mother fuc—"

Screaming pierced the room as blood spattered across the walls, Cry's near decapitated corpse falling limply to the ground in a heap, a smile still plastered to his face, eyes glimmering with the last bit of defiance, the last bit of anything he would ever feel.

Only too late did Snake realize he was the one screaming.

**—-X—-**

"Snake! Snake! Buddy wake up. Shit, please just wake up."

Nothing was really unusual about Snake having a blackout episode; it was pretty much like sleepwalking except it could be induced even when he was awake. Usually he was just a vicious asshole, hit anything and anyone in his way, say things that would make the devil cringe; overall it was best to stay out of his way.

Other times it would be more like a living nightmare, times when Cry would find himself having to intervene during a particularly bad episode. Snake would either be trying to leave the safety of the house, or unwittingly about to self-harm while thinking he was harming someone else, or when he tried to get into the knives, anything pointy and dangerous really.

This time was different, leagues beyond anything he was used to. Cry had only left Snake outside for a few minutes and when he opened the door Snake pounced on him, grabbing a cushion from the couch and beating him repeatedly with fluff until he apologized. Sometime after dinner however he noticed it was going to be one of _those_ nights. Snake had these ticks that would alert Cry that an episode was eminent, he never mentioned them to Snake though; no point in wrecking the man's nerves about something he couldn't control.

Snake would just have this crazy excess energy a few hours before every episode. Nobody else would even notice it, just a guy working out in his room, or going for a run, but then again, nobody else lived with them. This energy could be released in other ways as well, but Cry really didn't want to think about that; so after Snake got out of the shower Cry was passing him in the hall when Snake just throat-checked him, Cry flew back, landing flat on his back on the hardwood floor, coughing and clutching his throat like he was dying.

Cry had immediately started to crawl away from him, tried franticly searching for a space to crawl into to stay out of his way, when Snake just turned around. Cry breathed a sigh of relief before the panic set in as he watched his friend suddenly crumple to the ground like every muscle in his body had just stopped working, then a blood curdling scream ripped from his lips.

Cry had jumped to his feet in an instant, trying anything he could to wake Snake from whatever he'd seen, whatever he had lived through on the other side of his mind. He tried everything, shaking him, slapping him, but… nothing. Then the screaming just stopped as suddenly as it started, only to have been left with the oxymoronic sight of a sobbing, emotional Snake curled into himself on the floor.

Now here he was, stuck, slightly scared, desperately worried, and not knowing what the fuck to do. He wasn't exactly equipped with a degree on dealing with this kind of shit. He sighs, running a hand over Snakes forehead checking for a temperature. Thankfully it's normal. Before backing up though he lets his fingers card through the dark hair of his companion, as he watches him try to cry himself to sleep.

After some thought Cry figures out something he could do that at least he hopes will help. So he moves closer to the couch, dragging Snake as best he can with him. Once comfortable against the couch he moves Snake over so he can use Cry's leg as a makeshift pillow. It's the best he could do; lifting him just wasn't an option and comfort isn't really on Cry's list of best qualities. The worst part is over he knows, but seeing Snake like this, this vulnerable, it's something he's not quite sure how to handle. He can't help but wonder if he was reliving something from the past; god knows what the man has seen, what he's lived through, even if some of them are in his own mind.

Not sure what else he can do to help the man, Cry turns on the television, letting out a yawn. He doesn't normally get a chance to watch much TV but flips the channel until he finds something mindlessly funny and relaxes against the couch. His hand finds its way back into slightly older man's hair and eventually Snakes breathing calms and levels out to a healthy and normal state. Soft snores echo throughout the room as both men finally sleep.

**—-X—-**

Waking up in unusual places isn't necessarily a foreign concept to Snake, but waking up with his arms wrapped around his best friends leg, and face uncomfortably close to said friend's package, and a hand tangled in his hair isn't quite the good morning he was looking for either.

He pushed himself away from Cry, scrambling onto his feet as fast as he could. He made a slight calculation error and tripped backwards over the coffee table, falling directly on top on it, his bigger build easily smashing through the cheap wood with a roar of , "OH SHIT," and a slightly quieter pain-grumbled, "fuuuck."

Jolted awake by the sound, Cry snapped to attention, immediately awake and laughing manically at the scene before him. Snake was crumpled between the two pieces of broken coffee table, one leg sprawled on the floor the other somehow hooked over one of the legs, arms trying to pull himself up to no avail. Cry was tearing up from laughter in a matter of seconds.

"Hey dick, why don't you stop laughing and lend a hand?"

Cry heaved, trying to catch his breath, standing up and holding his stomach, "give me a sec, laughing at your dumb ass hurts."

"Really? You really wanna talk to me about pain right now," he said grabbing Cry's offered hand and pulling up with a groan, "or how about you just tell me why I woke practically nuzzling your junk with your hand in my hair?"

Bringing his fist to his mouth Cry snickered, "Oh shit, really?"

He leveled a glare at him for a minute before his eyes widened a look utter disbelief on his face. Snake reached out in front on him, grabbing Cry's shoulder and bringing him a few steps closer, tilting up his face.

Cry struggled out of his grasp, more than a little creeped out, "Dude, what the fuck?"

A slight look of confusion crossed Snakes face but his tone was serious, "did I do that?"

Now it was Cry's turn to look confused. He was still trying to figure out what the hell was going on, for a second there he could have sworn Snake was going to kiss him, but that was—there was no way, was there?

"Do What?"

Snake growled, clenching his fist and walked two steps past Cry and drove his fist into the wall. "Don't fucking lie to me! I can see the bruise on your neck, what the fuck did I do to you?"

Startled by the suddenness of the violence Cry took a step back, hand self-consciously reaching for his throat. At the touch of his fingers he hissed in pain. If it looked anything like it felt…without a second glance he hurried off to the mirror, electing not to shut the door behind him.

It was worse than he thought. Through the night his neck became a mass of dark purple, straight across where Snake's arm connected with his throat. He sighed and made a face. Well at least Snake wasn't trying to kiss him, last night was awkward enough. He heard Snake clear his throat close by and looked over to see him leaning against the door frame.

"What was that face for?"

"Ahh…nothing, and this," he said pointing to his neck, "isn't what you think. You weren't trying to kill me or anything; you just kind of clotheslined me…in the throat. You weren't attacking me," he shrugged, "I think I just kinda startled you or something as you were coming down the hall."

Snake flexed his fist in and out a few times, trying to calm his nerves, "Jesus Christ Cry, you don't deserve this shit. And it's your neck, what the fuck is wrong with me?"

"It's really not that bad, the bruise just makes it look grotesque and morbid. It's just my neck, what's the big deal?"

Something crossed over Snake's features and just when Cry was about to ask Snake reached out towards him, "come here a sec, let me see."

Rolling his eyes all the while Cry stepped forward, lifting his face up and exposing his neck for Snake's inspection. None too gently did Snake grab his face, earning him a, "hey fucker," but he just glared back before crouching down to get a better look at the shorter man's injury. It was swollen and definitely morbid looking, deep purples and blues discolored the skin, the outer rim along his throat already a sickly yellow. He idly wondered if he should insist on Cry going to the doctors, you know, just in case.

Cry pushed Snake away from him, knocking his hands away from his face. "I'm fine. Now, why don't you take care of your hand, and stop worrying about things you don't even remember? You're bleeding on the floor."

Snake didn't move from his spot for a minute even though Cry had already left. Things were such shit, he had to get in control and soon. What were the odds that the same night he envisions himself practically decapitating Cry he woke up to find a bruise that looks like he might have tried to? It was pointless to ask Cry for details, he wouldn't get any real answers. No, whatever happened when he blacked out in the real world and why he woke up in Cry's lap was a secret he would never reveal.

As the day wore on both men went back into their normal routine; Cry working on whatever it is game designers do on a weekend, and Snake doing whatever it is a retired marine sniper does on a weekend, which for Snake meant time working on his novel, sharpening his weapons, or cleaning his guns before going out to the range.

He had a Masters in literature and could probably land a job teaching at the local community college, but until he got whatever this head thing was under control, he didn't really feel safe around anyone. He wanted to pay Cry back for the neck incident but still hadn't worked out anything that seemed to say, "I'm sorry, I'm a douche, and this whole thing sucks," without losing the last bit of pride he had left. He wanted to have something in mind before his appointment with the Doc on Tuesday. Having a time frame always helped Snake feel like he had more control, especially when there wasn't much left he felt that he had a grip on whatsoever. He had three days, better get to work.

In the room down the hall an entirely different scenario was going on, and it had nothing to do with work. Well Cry's anyways.

"You're such a fucking prick you know that, you didn't tell me this favor you were calling in would come in the form of a Greek god."

Cry laughed as he readjusted his headset looking behind him to make sure his door was closed, "Come on Jund, he's my best friend, I didn't really consider your cock when I was trying to get him some help. I'll be more considerate next time."

"Fuck you, you know that's not what I meant. Jesus though, how have you not tapped that? I mean he's my patient and I was getting hard just looking at him."

Cry rolled his eyes, glad that this was just voice chat instead of video; seeing a horny Jund was not something on his Christmas list. "You remember that chat we had oh I don't know, 10 years ago about not knowing when to shut up. It's starting to feel very relevant." He sighed, giving in to Jund's curiosity, "I mean, it's—I guess I've just never looked at Snake like that, I've always had Felix so…" he shrugged, letting the rest of the sentence fall flat.

"What's Felix think of this whole arrangement you got going on with Snake anyways, not even a little jealous?"

At this Cry could feel the beginning of a big grin that made his cheeks ache; "Well now I won't say that. I mean he acknowledges that fact that Snake and I are just friends, and since we've been together for a few years now he trusts me, plus we talk nearly every day. The jealousy though, we work through that in… more physical ways."

He heard Jund laugh on the other end before responding, "You know I think I'm beginning to understand that too much information thing you were talking about."

"Dawl, is little Jundy jealous?"

The sound of an empty can smacking on a desk reverberated through the headphones, "Maybe a little, but not because I want Felix, Pewds, whatever he's calling himself nowadays. It's just been _so_ long. I mean I'm a professional and all so I know better than to go after your friend there, especially with what he's been through, but I'd be a liar if I said I wasn't tempted."

Cry could understand that, after all the reason Felix and him haven't move their relationship to a more serious level was because they worked together, not to mention that Pewd's was his direct superior, and that was all kinds of against policy.

"I can get that," Cry said, mirroring his thoughts.

"Just out of curiosity, do you even know if he swings that way? I mean I know a bit of his past, but that hardly says anything about ones sexual orientation nowadays."

Thinking a moment before speaking he pondered, "You know what, I have no idea. I mean I've never had cause to ask directly and you know about before so… huh. I tell you what though friend, if anyone could find out without offending him you'd be in the best position to do so."

The line went silent for a moment and Cry almost checked his Skype to see if he was disconnected before he heard the confident voice of Jund ring out, "Challenge accepted."


	3. Pain & Pizza

**Warnings:** Violence/Blood

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**III. Pain & Pizza**

Days passed. Time flew. For once things seemed to settle into normal. It wasn't impossible to have good weeks. In fact it happened frequently, the only problem being that it only happened after a particularly bad episode. Usually one where someone got hurt to the point of leaving physical marks, visual reminders of the monster that hid in his skin.

Snake stood in Cry's doorway, ready with the only thing he could offer his friend in return for what he had done—would continue to do. Cry's neck wasn't looking any better, not really. The dark purple was still there, but the yellow had spread, making him look like he had had an appointment at a visual effects studio; this not being the case made Snake feel sick to his stomach every time he saw it. He saw it often.

It was late—or rather early—his first appointment with the Doc down to just hours away. He had procrastinated doing this long enough; knocking on the wooden frame to get his attention before motioning for Cry to follow him.

Cry sighed saving some of his progress on some concept design and swinging himself energetically out of his chair. Despite the amount of hours he had gone without sleep he was still as wired as ever; probably had something to do with the accumulation of energy drinks on his desk. The sound of his feet hitting the floor echoed through the house as he rushed to catch up to his friend.

"Sup, dick," Cry urged, flicking the back of the taller man's neck.

"Come on," was all Snake said before flicking on the outside light and walking out the sliding glass door into the back yard.

Cry's face was a mix of worry and curiosity a he looked at his companion, "Okay… what's this about?"

It was dark and humid outside, but it was better than being in the house. Snake had put a lot of thought into this and while a little pride might get bruised in the process, it was better than a secession of heart to heart any day.

Turning to look at Cry, he shrugged. "I need you to do me a favor."

The tension that was building up in Cry's muscles relaxed, but only a little. "Dude you know you don't have to ask. What's up?" He looked around him, hands motioning to the yard. "What's this request have to do with being out here?"

"Look man, this isn't exactly easy for me. I just want to get this over with; I don't really want to talk about it. So just this once, I want you to punch me."

The shock was plain on Cry's face. Snake could've said anything. That he wanted to run away and join the circus, but this, no. This was just idiotic, pointless, and downright ridiculous. Cry swallowed and tried to regain some of the composure he had before those words he _must_ have misheard came from Snakes mouth.

"You want me to what now?"

Snake rolled his eyes, as if the question was the most pointless thing to have ever fallen out of Cry's mouth. "Just punch me already. No body shots though. In the face."

Mouth now openly hanging in confusion, Cry shook his head, taking a step back, hands out in front of him as if in surrender. "Dude, no. What the fuck?"

Snake responded voice flat and even as ever, "I thought it was fairly obvious. I want you to punch me."

"Why the ever living fuck would you want me to do that, why would you even think that was a thing that should happen?

"I told you I don't want to talk about it."

"Well then I'm just going to go back inside," he started turning around, "back to work, and pretend this whole shebang never even happened."

"Cry." It was a demand for his undivided attention. "Punch me."

Like the eternal smart ass he was Cry turned around, gave him the finger and in _the_ most sarcastic manner possible said, "NU."

"If you don't punch me, I will beat the ever living fuck out of you before you even reach that door."

A slight shudder of fear ran through Cry's spine. He now, more than ever knew what Snake was capable of, and he'd be lying if he said there wasn't a part of him that was afraid of his friend; a part of him that might resent him, even if he couldn't completely admit it to himself. He briefly wondered if this was the result of another episode, but he knew before the thought even completely finished that it wasn't, too much of the real Snake stood before him. The ever stoic figure that exuded masculinity and seriousness, the man he had known for years and come to call as friend. It was that moment that he realized what he was up to.

"Snake, why are you even doing this? It's stupid; I don't want to punch you."

Snake repressed his urge to cringe at the shudder he saw run through Cry at his previous words. Things got to him more than most people realized, and it was only from years of training that he was able to control it now. The fact that part of him was capable of inducing this kind of response in someone he cared about made him livid.

"You know why. Can you honestly say, throughout all the years we've known each other that you've never even thought about taking a shot at me?"

The man had a point. Cry was almost dumbfounded by the question. Of course he had, the man was a dick and a hardass in the best of times even before—well just before. The cocky mother fucker knew just what to say, not to even mention the times he wanted to beat his ass out of pure rage just for killing him one too many times in a game. For fucks sake, that's what friends do, get under your skin and call you on your shit and poke and make fun. But that didn't mean he wanted to punch him now, did it?

"I—I, no. Okay I can't say it. Fucking happy? But just because I've wanted to throttle the life out of you before doesn't mean I want to now. Jesus man, I know what you're doing, and ya mean well, but I don't want it or need it."

Grinding his nails into his palms, Snake glared at Cry. "I never said it was for you. While in a way it is, I need this too. I need to get my feet on solid ground again. I can't keep living with you if you don't do this, it can't be one sided. It's always one sided and I mean just look at you."

Cry sighed and let his hands dangle in defeat by his side. "Fine prick. Fucking fine, I'll do it."

The relief that Snake felt in that moment was astounding. "Alright, now come here then."

"Stand there," he gestured, pointing to a spot just in front of him. "Now while I'm about a head taller than you, it won't make much of a difference when you swing. You'll be able to hit me fine without my having to crouch. Now, I want a real swing, none of that pansy shit. I know you can hit hard if you want to, and I expect you not to hold back."

Cry merely rolled his eyes as Snake prattled on about the best way to hit him. "Yes, Senpai."

Snake leveled a glare at him. "Alright, whenever you're ready, bastard."

Cry balled his fist, and honest to whatever god there might be he did try. He just couldn't do it. The absurdity of the whole situation just came crashing down on him and before he knew it he was laughing. He was in hysterics in seconds clutching his knee; he nearly fell over because the whole thing was just utterly the most ridiculous thing that had ever happened. His throat ached with each tremor that ran through his neck and his free hand clung to it as if trying to limit the pain.

Snake on the other hand was not amused. Cry couldn't even laugh without pain, because of him. He was damaged, defective. A virus had downloaded on his hard drive and fucked up the whole system, and there the fucker was, just laughing it away. As if it was the easiest thing in the world to forgive and forget. As if he didn't deserve closure, just something, _anything,_ to make the scale tip into balance just a tad in his favor. Fucking hell, something had to give.

"Fuck this. Just go."

Breathing hard and heavy Cry stood up straight, "C'mon man. It's not that easy. I'm just not that kind of guy."

Snake didn't say anything in response and Cry turned away, "Whatever, man."

"Fucking faggot."

Cry immediately froze, feet rooted to the spot. He didn't want to believe it, but he knew he had heard it. Never once, had Snake ever said an unkind word about his sexuality. None of his friends had when he came out to them. They were all friends, they all knew Felix and talked to him regularly, especially Snake. He knew what the man behind him was doing, he wasn't stupid, but that didn't change the fact that those words had happened. Snake was deliberately trying to hurt him and when push came to shove Cry _would_ react.

"What did you say," Cry demanded, facing Snake face to face. _Would he have the guts now? Was he that desperate?_

Snake straightened his stance and schooled his face, "you heard me…faggot."

Cry rushed forward, shoving the other man as hard as he could again and again with each spoken word. "What. The. Fuck." He wanted to punch him, fuck he wanted to punch him, but the mother fucker didn't deserve it. "Fuck you Snake. Fuck you. You want this so badly you're willing to lose your only friend over it. Jesus Christ, what the hell is your problem?"

"You're my problem cocksucker," Snake enunciated, pushing Cry back a little. Snake knew his anger was at a deadly high, but he could control it. He knew he could because this time all the anger was focused on himself; he was a shit, a monster, and a fucking prick, but without this he wasn't sure there would be much of a future anyway, with or without Cry. He needed this, he was always the one doing the hurting, and Cry always the one to suffer in its aftermath, it was going to kill him otherwise. The only real question was would Cry survive long enough to see if it came before his own.

Shoving him a last time Cry watched as Snake fell to the ground. He wasn't conned by the man, he knew Snake let himself fall. He had too much combat training to be taken by him. He was done, fuck this night, and fuck everything. "Go fuck yourself," he surrendered before turning to leave for what felt like the hundredth time. "I'll spend the night elsewhere."

Snake snickered, actually snickered. Cry halted his steps, undeniably afraid of what might happen next. It was an unusual sound coming from the man of few words. Like a horror movie, you know nothing good can come after a sound like that. Hiding came to mind, but the anger had hold of him now, there really was no turning back.

Snake's deep voice rang out through the back yard like a bullet, finding its target with little difficulty and piercing him with deadly accuracy. "I could tell him you know. Some heartfelt sob story about how we were drunk and just woke up in bed together, how it was all an accident, maybe flourish it with apologies. It'd be a lie of course, but he wouldn't know that."

Cry was balling his fist as he slowly turned around, all his muscles tensed; face heated, tinged red with anger. A few drops of tears rolled down his face in rage, "He'd never believe you."

Snake leaned back on his hands, like they were having the most casual conversation in the world instead of slowly destroying a friendship. The smile on his face twisted and malicious, "Wouldn't he though? Maybe at first yeah, but that's the kind of stuff that eats at you. I mean we do live alone together, we drink, random bruises appear on your arms and legs. At first he might believe you. Of course he would, he trusts you. The real question here is for how long, how long before he starts thinking you might be hiding something? How long before all the thoughts and worries in his head eat at your relationship one piece at a time? Resentment. Anger. Indifference. Rejection. Round and around you go, you might last another year—two If you're lucky, but it won't be forever after anymore. It'd just be a time bomb waiting to go off."

The slow look of utter horror appeared on Cry's face, a sick feeling churning in his stomach. "You wouldn't dare."

Green eyes met blue, "Wouldn't I?"

Like a bullet Cry was on him. Fists connecting with his face, punch after punch, with more speed then Snake even thought Cry was capable of. He just collapsed back into the hard ground and took it. His nose was broken with the first punch; he could feel the blood pool in his mouth as his teeth were forced into his cheek, his tongue. His head lifted up briefly a few times before being slammed back down into the ground, the sharp jabs of a small rock announcing every collision.

Cry was in a frenzy, screaming, punching, crying. It was all becoming a blur and the words he spoke just fell out of his mouth between blows. "You mother fucker! How dare you threaten my fucking relationship you sick fuck! Who the hell do you think you are you sadistic, fucking, bastard? I let you into my home! My life! I fucking took care of you when no one else would, and this is how you fucking thank me? What the hell is wrong with you?"

It went on until Cry just stopped. No anger left to say anything, he just sobbed. Snakes face was a mess, blood distorting his features, nose crooked, eyes and lips swollen. Cry thought he looked dead, but the rise and fall of his chest told him otherwise. His hips straddled Snakes and he slowly rolled off collapsing beside him, head hanging in his hands as he slowly fell apart. .

His stomach rolled and he was sick whispering apologies with gasped breath, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

Snake was fine. Hurt, sore, and a headache from hell, but okay. He'd be through worse, much worse. He let his hand glide over his features, wiping as much blood away as he could so he could somewhat open his eyes. He let his hands push against the cool grass and lifted himself into a sitting position. _This might have gotten a bit out of hand._

Cry felt hands go around him and jumped, startled. The ground suddenly fell out from under him as he was hauled up and into Snakes arms.

"Put me down," he demanded rather weakly, trying to remove all evidence of the wetness on his face.

"Shut up," was the only answer he got in response, and he was just too tired and emotionally exhausted to care.

Once inside Snake sat Cry down on the couch and threw him a blanket to cover himself and hopefully have some time to calm down. He went into the bathroom, gathering some things before looking at himself in the mirror. Blood streaked his face but first he reached for his nose. He had to reset it before the swelling became too bad. One swift movement, a sickening crack and a "fuck" later, and his nose was good as new. Or at least as good as a broken nose can get.

Snake grabbed the rest of the stuff he needed after wiping his face of blood and went to get a bowl of warm water from the kitchen, as well as a tea and ibuprofen for Cry.

It took some convincing but eventually he convinced Cry to let him make sure his hands were okay and after washing all the blood away he determined Cry was fine. Unfortunately, Cry had also insisted that Snake let him put alcohol on all the cuts and scratches that covered him, as well the worst of them being the nasty gash on the back of his head.

Silence stretched between the two men. It wasn't awkward, but not quite comfortable either. Both knew a line had been crossed that shouldn't have been and neither was quite sure how to fix it.

Snake sighed, drawing Cry's attention. "I was out of line tonight. I never meant—the things I said, I didn't mean them," he scratched at a nonexistent itch on the back on his neck. "I'm not really good at this, so you know, I'm sorry. I can start looking for a new place tomorrow if that's something you need me to do."

"Shut up asshole," Cry said pushing at his shoulder. "I let you goad me into it, so in a way were both just, I don't know, men. Blame it on too much testosterone or some shit. It's cool; I know you didn't mean any of that crap anyways."

He turned his head so his eyes could meet Cry's. "Never mention it again?"

"Now, that's the best idea you've had all night."

**—-X—-**

"Thanks for comi—what the hell happened to your face?!"

Snake sat in a chair across from this Doctor Scott Jund and just stared. He looked like a mess, he was sure. No sleep, face busted to hell by his friend, bruises making an ugly color palette across his face. No, he was sure he looked like baked shit right about now.

"Something came up last night with Cry—you're friends with him right— it may have gotten a tad out of hand."

The look or curious disbelief was plainly written across Jund's face. "Um-uh, you wanna tell me about it?"

"Not particularly no."

"Is he hurt?"

"Just his hands."

"Okay then," Jund said sitting back in his chair, propping his feet up on his desk.

Silence stretched between them, and Snake was starting to get pricks of uneasiness about this guy. _What was his deal? Shouldn't he be doing something doctory or some shit…_

Scott just sat back and watched the man before him. He was a rugged kind of handsome, chiseled facial features; just the right amount of scruff along his jaw line, dark hair smoothed back along his skull, with a body you could tell was carved out of stone. But he wasn't here for a date, he was here to help, he was here to try and heal the rifts from this man's past so he could have a future. It wouldn't be easy, and trust would be the first point on this long journey or else he'd be getting nowhere fast.

Snake rubbed his hands together. The silence was becoming deafening and he was starting to question why he even came. "Is there something I should be doing, or you should be asking?"

Jund tilted his head to the side slightly, "Is there?"

"What?" he scoffed.

"You came here right? Well what do you wanna do? It's your secession, and my last of the day, so it's all on you. You're the one who needs the help, right?"

"Aren't you supposed to be the doctor, the one trying to help me, I don't know,_not_ be crazy?"

"Okay I'll make this easy on you," Jund said, sitting up in his chair and stippling his fingers, "I do things differently here. Everyone needs something different. Some like to lay down in that chair over there and spill all their dark secrets just to have someone to listen to and give advice, help them figure things out of their own; others like to go outside and do something, we talk and see where that goes, some days are more productive than others. Which are you, what do you want to do? What do you like to do, any hobbies, sports?"

Snake's stony face gave nothing away. To be honest he couldn't remember what he liked to do; it'd been so long. All his hobbies consisted of fighting, weapons, or honing his body into the right shape. He didn't have hobbies, not really, not since he got back. He leaned back in the chair, trying to decide something, but he kept drawing a blank. "What do you like to do?"

The Doc shook his head. "How about this, I choose this time, and give you until next week to figure out where you wanna go during our next session, okay?"

Snake nodded his head in confirmation.

"Good. Now come on let's go, I'm starving."

Snake gave the smaller man a curious look, but followed him regardless. They were out to the parking lot before either of them said another word.

"Since this is still a session, we'll take my car. I'll bring you back later."

Snake shrugged. "I don't have a car right now, and Cry usually drives me."

"Okay then, this way." He motioned, leading the way once more.

It was a nice car, nothing too noteworthy, but not exactly something you'd expect some doctor to drive either. Just a black four-door Mazda, maybe only a couple of years old. Once they were both inside the car a sense of somewhat awkwardness settled over them. Jund adjusted his mirrors and looked over to his patient, "you hungry for anything in particular, my treat?"

"No."

"Alrighty then. You like pizza, right?"

Snake shifted in his seat, fixing the twisted strap of the seat belt, "Who doesn't like pizza?"

Jund just chuckled beside him and started the car. The weather was abnormally nice for a Monday, not to hot, nice breeze in the air, so the windows were rolled down as they drove to where ever this guy was taking him. They weren't in the car too long before Jund flipped the radio on, and Snake was pleasantly surprised at his music taste.

In less than 15 minutes they were at some random brick oven pizza place Snake had never seen before, and they both shuffled to get out of the car. Scott paused at his door, taking off the jacket and tie to his suit before tossing them into the back seat and closing the door.

Snake wasn't one to feel awkward very often, but he was starting to just now. This whole thing felt off, and he wasn't sure what to make of the man who was holding the door open for him now. He stepped into the place and the smell of pizza filled his senses, the familiar scent relaxing him just a little.

"I don't know what it is," Jund stated sliding into a booth, "but pizza just makes everything better. Have you been here before?"

Snake slid into the opposite side of the booth, trying to get comfortable. The place was sparse, but it being a Monday it wasn't too surprising. "No, I haven't. Good?"

Scott smiled, undoing the top buttons and rolling up the sleeves of his dress shirt, "The best. All of the pizza here is wonderful, made to order and all that. What's your poison, we can split a large?"

"Anything's good." Making decisions about food with someone he barely knew was odd, and this was beginning to feel more like a blind date then therapy. Snake snarled at the thought.

"Classic pepperoni and cheese good or you?"

Snake nodded and massaged his hands together to keep calm. While he didn't give a shit what anyone's sexual orientation was, or even being hit on, he didn't like the feeling of not knowing what was going on in the mind of the guy across from him. He couldn't tell if he was just being nice, if this was a usual kind of thing he did, or if this was an impromptu, and albeit lame attempt to see if he was interested. Either way the whole situation was putting him off.

He sat there, quiet and thinking his own convoluted thoughts and before he knew it a coffee was placed before him and their orders were taken. This was more uncomfortable then the time he had caught Cry having phone sex with Felix. He tried not to let it show. He failed.

Scott shifted in his seat a little. "You look sufficiently uncomfortable to be here. So might as well start. I'm your doctor; you're my patient, as you know anything we talk about is sealed in a confidentiality agreement. Call me whatever you're most comfortable with, Scott, Jund, Doc, Asshole, and so on. I've heard it all."

Pulling out his wallet he slid a card over to Snake, who just stared at Jund as if he were possessed. "That has two numbers on it. This one," he said, pointing to the top number on the card, "is to my secretary Raven. Call her and tell her the address or whatever it is you want to do during your secession. I'll either meet you there, or you can meet me back at the office. We can do or go wherever you want, I just need at least 24 hours notice, so make sure you call Raven before Sunday. That way I can make sure I have enough gas or whatever it is I'll need before I go. No strip clubs, drugs, or anything in the illegal category, but anything else is usually fine. Basically don't be a smartass about it."

Jund moved his hand to the second number. "This is my personal number. If you have an emergency, need to talk ASAP, or are having an episode, call me. Let Cry have this too. I can help, and in order to help you I need to be there a few times during a black-out or whatever it is that happens. I need to see you in order to understand how to help you, got it?"

Snake swallowed. Well, this wasn't what he was expecting. The idea of anyone there besides Cry was a bit nerve-wracking, and he wasn't sure how he felt about that. He didn't really want anyone else to get hurt, Cry was bad enough. He knew he needed to let him try to help, so he just nodded. "Sounds good."

"Great, any questions, concerns, issues, you'd like to go over?"

The food came then and Snake had to admit, the pizza smelled amazing. It tasted even better. Swallowing the last bit of his first slice, Snake glanced up at the Doc. "Okay so, what's your deal? You take me out here on this weird somewhat date-like session, you purposefully make me uncomfortable, and now you want me to decide where we do this shit… I don't get you man, I don't know how this is supposed to help."

Scott felt his face heat up at the word date, but let it slide, trying not to pay attention to how much his body had responded to his voice. _Shit. _"What did Cry say about me when you asked?"

Snake scoffed, "Not a whole fucking lot. Just some shit about how you've known one another for years and that you're unorthodox or some other shit. It's all kind of a blur since he locked me out of the house when I tried to ask more."

"Well how about this," he stated, wiping his hands on a napkin and holding a hand out to Snake, "I'll be 100% honest with you as long as you're 100% honest with me, deal?"

"Deal," he accepted, shaking the smaller man's hand.

"Cry was right, I do things differently, but I do them because they work. I don't expect you to tell me everything, you're too closed off. We're not at that level of trust and acceptance yet so that's the first thing we work on. Trust, without it this whole thing will never work. You need to trust me, and I can tell you're not exactly the open book type. So we do this slowly, and the best way to get this whole thing rolling is that we be friends. I'm still you're doctor, but friends is what can really help with as difficult case as yours. I need to know about what happened. I need to know your past, all of it, and so for that we go out and do things. A closed off room in my office is not going to do either of us any favors."

Snake thought, really thought about what he said. He was right, he'd never open up to anyone he didn't trust; he hadn't even opened up to Cry yet. Cry just happened to be there. The only thing anyone really knew was what was in the news, and it didn't even tell half of the real story. So much went on while he was overseas and he'd rather deal with that shit 20, 30, a million times over then face what happened when he came back.

"Friends huh," Snake started while picking at his now third slice. "You're gonna have your work cut out for you. I'm not the easiest guy to get along with."

Scott laughed, "Look at that, something we already have in common." He grabbed his coke across from him and took a sip from the straw, "I know this goes without saying, but Cry won't know anything about what happens during our sessions. While I am friends with him and we do talk, maybe even about you, it won't have anything to do with our sessions, nothing confidential anyways."

"I'm not really worried about it. I have other shit to worry about than protecting Cry from shit he already knows. I'd much rather just find a way to stop hurting him."

Jund raised an eyebrow, "It's not like he took it easy on your face."

Snake flashed him his teeth, "Nah, I gotta admit I'm a bit proud of the fucker. But had I wanted to stop him I would have."

A smirk puller up at his lips, "Bit cocky now aren't we?"

Serious Snake was back in an instant, "No."

"You guys going to be okay living together?"

Snake just shrugged, "Yes and no. I mean what happened last night, or rather this morning won't really affect anything. I got mad, said some shit I shouldn't have got in a fight and now we're cool. On the other hand, what I do when I'm 'not all there'," he motioned in quotes, "is another story entirely. Cry won't talk about it. Whatever it is he keeps the episodes to himself, or at least what he can. The physical evidence is all I really see of it, and he just waves it off as nothing more often than not."

"Hmm," Jund started, leaning back into the cushion of the booth, "might have to have a session with Cry as well. Whatever he's not telling you I need to know. Is that something you'd be okay with?"

"If you think it will help."

"It's a start," he said, fishing his wallet back out and paying for the dinner in cash. Before he could protest however he saw Snake lay a fiver on the table. "I said I got this."

"I know, but if I let you pay for all of it, session or not I'll start to feel like this was a date. No offense, friend," he said, patting him on the shoulder as he slid out of the booth and headed for the door.

The comment registered in Jund's mind immediately. Snake had gone out of his way just to make the dinner not seem like a date. Unfortunately the reason for doing so remains a mystery. To many variables to read anything into it, and that only made Scott all the more curious about his patient. He ran a hand trough is hair and followed after the taller man. The man was an enigma to be solved and he loved nothing more than a good puzzle, especially if it had an ass like that.


	4. Fear & Loathing

**Warnings**: Violence / mild suggestiveness

* * *

**IV. Fear & Loathing**

_Shut up. _The incessant ringing was starting to get to him, and as the thought processed in his sleepy brain more fully Jund jolted awake. His hands searched frantically, flipping papers and folders around on his desk, making it more chaotic than it was already. "Shit, shit, where the fuck did I put you," he cursed aloud as if some divine presence was going to give him the answer.

Jund stood and turned in a circle, whirling all around him, moving objects left and right all while the dull ring echoed around him. Then he felt it, that familiar vibration against his leg as each ring pulsed out its insufferable tone. _Mother fucker._

"Hello," he answered exasperated, pushing some loose strands of hair out of his face.

"Hey friend," a familiar voice answered.

"What's up Cry?"

"Might wanna start preparing to make a trip out here."

"Oh yea," he said, sounding interested. "Why's that?"

"Snake's due for an episode tonight. I'd give it 2 hours before you show up."

Jund paused. "Wait. You can tell when he's going to be having an episode? Since when, why didn't I know about this?"

"Calm down, don't go getting your therapist knickers in a bunch. I noticed a few months after he moved in that there was a pattern. And it's not like I knew I'd be that important. Snake doesn't know about it though, he hasn't quite put two and two together yet."

"How can you tell, what are his identifiers—you know what nevermind. I'll be there."

"Okay," he answered, suddenly sounding nervous. "Just be careful and prepare yourself you know, he's been doing better but I don't know. I just got this feeling it's going to get bad this time. Maybe bring along your sedatives."

"No," Jund said, shaking his head on his end of the line. "Can't do that, I promised him no drugs, but I'll see you in a few and see what we can do."

"Okay. There'll be a hide-a-key shaped like a rock behind the bushes, just use it and come on in. I have to keep the locks on during, sometimes he tries to leave. Later man."

"Gotcha, and thanks," Jund finished before hanging up.

Jund sighed, running his hands through his messy hair as he sat back down. Falling asleep on his desk had not been the plan, but shit happens. He was both excited and nervous to go. Excited as a professional; he had never had a patient quite like Snake and he hoped his notes might one day be published. Snake had a multitude of problems; but none that seemed so bad to cause this. Well he is ex-military, but he hardly seemed effected by that and there was just something missing out of the equation. _I wonder if Cry knows…_

He was also nervous though. Ogling his patient had only caused Scott more issues, and he knew he needed to stop. Unfortunately, there was no off switch on his body's response to him. He couldn't help the way his whole body felt like it was coiling in on itself when he looked at Snake, the way his mind tried to wander off into more explicit places. He kept himself in check but it wasn't an easy thing, ask anyone. Attraction just happens, and his body was reacting to Snake's visual stimuli and it was a completely natural and innocent thing, or at least that's what he told himself.

He had to admit he was also a bit nervous because he had no idea what to expect. Violence, most assuredly, but to what scale or extent; how would "black out Snake," react to a new person entering into what he might quite possibly view as his territory? He had some thinking to do.

An hour later, a stomach full of dinner, and Jund was ready to go. He spent too much time deciding what to wear and finally deciding on business casual; black button down dress shirt tucked into jeans. He looked down at his watch; he knew he'd most likely get there a bit early, but he wanted to leave room for unexpected traffic. Another 40 minutes later and he was pulling into an unfamiliar driveway.

Wiping his sweaty hands on his jeans he pulled out his cell. He contemplated texting Cry first, but decided against it should he be in the middle of something. In the off chance that Snake was still "Snake" he'd rely on Cry to come up with some valid excuse why he was there. Pocketing the phone he hopped out of the car and headed to the door, where he spent no less than seven minutes looking for the damn hide-a-key. Once in hand he turned it over, flipping open the "hidden" compartment and snatching the key out before putting back where he had finally found it.

He stood in front of the door, just staring at it like an idiot. His hand was extended towards the lock, but he couldn't quite get over how strange this felt, just walking into someone else's house, especially without knocking.

Scott turned the key and opened the door, nerves immediately set on end by what he saw. Nothing. Not a thing, not one, no sounds, all the lights off. As quietly as he could he closed the door behind him, locking all the locks into place. He remembered what Cry had told him and did not want to have to try and track Snake in the middle of the night.

A chill ran up his spine at the low temperature difference between the humid outside and the air conditioned house. He took a few steps, looking around yet afraid to call out or draw attention to himself. This whole thing was experimental at best; he didn't necessarily want to be the body at the end of Snake's fist._ Well maybe if he asked politely first—_Jund shook his head of the thought and continued through the home.

The creak of the wooden floor as he went was the only sound to be heard throughout the home, and all sorts of bad vibes were making his skin crawl. This didn't feel right; he could feel his heart speeding up as fear started to pulse through him. He made it to the kitchen, no one yet again, so he started down the hall. The urge to call out was getting worse but he didn't know what the consequences of such an action would be. He had no idea what lied behind each door and he grew afraid of even testing one. What would he face, or the better question whom?

As he took a step past a door he heard a creak and before he could even turn around he felt a hand on his shoulder dragging him backwards into a room.

"FU—" was all he got out before a hand clamped around his mouth his body suddenly forced against the presence behind him.

"Shhh, you idiot," the hushed voice of Cry urged. "He's not in a good place right now; you don't wanna draw his attention when he's like that."

The hand slowly moved away from his mouth Jund's body relaxed a bit, nerves still firing away from the scare. The room was dark but the light of the computer allowed enough to see. "Fucking hell man, what the fuck? Scare me to death why don't ya."

Cry shrugged, grinning slightly as he watched Scott's hand clutch at his chest, "Nice to see you too."

"Where is he anyway? This whole lights-out-no-sound-thing you have going on really isn't the most pleasant of things to walk into. I nearly shit my pants a second ago. What happened?"

"Shhh," he hushed again, motioning with his hands to keep the volume low, "Same as always just…"

Jund just stared at him, waiting for him to continue, "Just what?"

Cry scratched at the underside of his neck, "Just, I don't know, something's off, it doesn't feel right. He's been too quiet."

"Wait, you mean you don't know what he's doing? He could be hurting himself, or worse. How do you know he didn't leave?"

"I don't," Cry said, pacing a little, "I heard him go off in his room earlier. It was bad, cussing at no one, not making any sense at all, I heard crashing sounds and other punching noises but I haven't actually seen him. I was in the living room when it started. He had just come back from a run and went into his room, then just shouting. I locked all the doors and turned out the lights hoping to take some refuge in here."

"So he just stopped and you didn't think to check on him?"

"I thought about it yea but, you don't know what it's like. I mean it's not as if he's small or anything, I'm not some masochist."

Jund rolled his eyes, heading for the door. He had to go. It's what he was here for, and he had to know in order to help.

"Wait," Cry sighed. He knew he should have checked on him, but after the neck incident he had to admit he was more wary than usual. He was just glad he wasn't alone. "I'll go first, you just follow behind me. At least I know where I'm going."

As the door swung open Cry came face to face with an angry Snake just staring down at him.

"Shit," was all he got out before a hand had gripped him by the shirt, throwing him forcefully into a wall.

Jund watched in horror as he saw the silhouette of Cry hit and slide down the wall, unconscious. _Well this was just great._

Quickly he drug his attention to the man before him and his jaw nearly became unhinged. There Snake stood before him in nothing but sweatpants hanging low on his hips, looking the absolute mix of sexy and terrifying. The latter was taking a bit longer to kick in as he was suddenly ripped from the fantasy forming in his head by an angry growl

"You. How dare he protect you from me after what you did," Snake barked at him. "You will pay for what you've done; you'll pay for every second of suffering you inflicted. I'll tear you apart from the inside out. There's not a place in this world where you can hide from me. Not anymore."

Snake punched Jund once in the face without warning. As he fell to the ground Snake gripped him by his collar and drug him out to the living room, throwing him like a ragdoll as Jund's head collided with the corner of new coffee table.

Scott cried out as his head struck the table. He could feel blood starting to trickle down the back of his neck. His eyes were bleary as he tried to regain some of his equilibrium, the world spinning as he failed to focus on any one thing. Before he could make a move he was hauled to his feet.

He felt his back hit a solid surface, knocking the air out of his lungs. He coughed, breathing in deeply to try and regain what he lost, eyes finally opening only to focus on Snake's defined pelvic muscles. He moved his head up, eyes trailing slightly behind as he took in the man before him. While beautiful he was still terrifying. Scott was nowhere near okay, his whole body a trembling mess. When his eyes met Snake's he saw nothing but hatred there, his teeth barred in a snarl.

Snakes hand grabbed Jund's hair, forcing his head back into the wall making him wince. "You think I wouldn't find you, you think I would ever stop looking?"

Jund noticed then that Snakes eyes were glazed over; though it was still dark the sheen over his eyes was still unmistakable. "Snake. Hey Snake," Jund stated calmly in the most even voice he could muster, "It's me. It's Scott, I'm not who you think I am, I didn't do anything to you, I'm just your doctor, your friend. Snap out of it, o—"

Jund's words were cut off as he felt Snake loosen his hold on him and turn around. He watched as the man's head shook back and forth, pacing as mumbled words rushing out in breaths. "No, no, stop. No, not again. Not again. Not him. Find him. Lost. Find him. Kill. Maim. Destroy. Take back what's yours. Revenge. Need. Lost. Death. Gone. All gone. Alone. Not real, not real."

Scott's hand instinctively reached out towards the man, but retracted it at the last second. "Snake?" he inquired.

Snake turned and stalked back towards the man. Jund instinctively backed up until his back was pressed against the wall once more. Then the one thing Jund couldn't have predicted happened. Snake just laughed. That deep baritone of a voice giving a deep throated laugh, you could hear the near sarcasm in it while at the same time bringing a chill down Jund's back.

"Oh I know you now," Snake began, "you're the Doc. The one trying to get rid of me aren't you? I know a thing or two about you myself. Things the other half has elected to ignore."

Scott's eyes widened at that. This side of Snake was self-aware, he didn't expect that. This had all kind of implications. Was this side always self-aware, did it know what it was doing? Was it a split-personality? Thoughts swarmed through his head and he was having trouble of thinking of a place to even begin. He just stared blankly at his patient's face, mouth hanging wide in utter disbelief.

"Nothing to say? Cat got your tongue?" he teased. Snake slapped his hands against the wall on either side of Scott's face, elbows out almost as if in a pushup position as he leaned his mouth towards the man's ear.

Scott's breath caught in his throat eyes closing at the sensation of having Snake that close. The hairs on his neck stood on end; each word spoken making his heart hammer in his chest as well as fan the flames of nervous terror in his stomach.

"I've seen the way you look at me. Hungry eyes," he said in a growl, hand firmly wrapping around the trapped man's wrist and bringing it to his chest, "wanting, staring," he continued as he trailed Scott's hand down his toned chest, letting his fingers drag slowly over each muscle before dropping his hand. "I know what you want, what you really want. You don't wanna help Snake, you just want him. Admit it. You'd like nothing better than to strip these," he said snapping the waistband of his sweats, "off and get a taste of what it might be like under this body, or maybe even just a taste."

Jund was sure his whole face must be aflame, his ears burned and he could swear "Snake" just drug his fingers down his muscles. _This has to be a dream. Nope, no such luck_. He blinked a few times as if wishing the whole scenario to just go away. He didn't want to think about this, this was NOT Snake, this was—he didn't know what it was. An alter-ego? It could be anything and neither mattered because he was pretty sure whoever was in front of him just propositioned him for sex. _Shit, not good. You're his doctor, he's the patient._

He was not prepared to handle this kind of torture. Of course he wouldn't. Snake being practically unconscious, whatever part of him that was coherent was just toying with him. Offering him what he undeniable wanted in return for referring Snake elsewhere, for choosing not to help. Its survival 101, this side was all about preservation, all about doing whatever was necessary to keep going.

Jund swallowed hard. While he would never take advantage of someone, the offer did have him thinking about things he probably should be. His mind was also fixated on everything he'd learned, he'd have to compare with Cry to check but—_Shit, CRY!_

While he thought Snake's proposition over, his head facing down, he noticed the shoes in the distance of a creeping Cry. _Fuck, he was going to need help._

Scott looked up, making sure to lick his lips in the process, letting his attraction for the man take over. "You're right, but the real question is, do you want me too?"

Snakes eyes widened a small smirk of victory at the corner of him mouth. He took a step closer pressing his hips into Jund's, hands pulling up and sliding under his shirt, gliding over his over sensitized skin. "What do you think?"

The sound of a sharp intake of breathe was all that Jund could manage for a moment. The feel of his hands gliding over his skin was beyond distracting, not to mention what the press of his hips was doing to his now straining erection. Gritting his teeth he grabbed Snake by the shoulders, mirroring the others actions earlier by bringing his mouth to his ear. Using the time to scan for Cry, he whispered, "Well, for starters I think you're all talk." He spotted Cry much closer than before, only a few feet left. Sliding a hand up Snakes back he motioned for Cry to hurry up, letting him know he was aware and helping distract him. "You've probably never even been with a man."

The sound that came from Snake's throat then was almost sinister. "There's a lot you don't know about me— him," he corrected, rolling his eyes. "So many secrets in this head just waiting to be spilled onto the floor, the least of which being his sexual escapades. Oh I'm sure there are many things about this body, this man, that you'd be surprised to learn," he said, nipping at Scott's earlobe.

"I know his ticks, his darkest fantasies, the tools you need to fix him. But," he said, pushing Scott back against the wall, "how about we take this to the bedroom first?"

Scott had a moment of panic, he tried to figure of what to do, what to say. Snake had grabbed his wrists and started tugging; trying to lead him to what he can only imagine being eternal bliss. Scott seeing Cry ducking down in an attempt not to be seen made him pull back on Snake's hand, yanking him back towards him.

"Not so fast," he said smiling sheepishly; face beaming what he was afraid might become a permanent blush. Snake's face was mere inches from his own, and without much left to lose he pushed up on his toes connecting their lips.

The aggression level in Snake went to max almost immediately. Fingers dug into Scott's sides almost instantly, and the kiss—as much as he craved the man kissing him, it was honestly terrible. He didn't want Snake like this. It was all teeth and tongue and the push and pull for dominance, and when he pulled away, it was with relief.

Scott smiled up at Snake, attempting to do his best impression of impressed and satisfied before hurriedly sidestepping to the right. Snakes body went rigid immediately, slight snaps and pops coming from behind him before he fell straight back onto the hardwood floor twitching.

"Fucking hell man," Cry wheezed, "what the hell was that? What the fuck just happened?"

Jund sagged against the wall." I don't even know where to start. One minute I thought he was gonna kill me and the next…"

The two men just stood in the dark for a moment, alternating between staring at one another and the tasered man on the floor.

"What do we do now? How long will he be out?"

Cry shrugged in the darkness, not sure if Jund even saw the gesture, "No idea, let's just clean things up and drag ol' bag of issues here into his room."

Jund just nodded, hoping his beating heart would slow down sometime soon, "Okay."

A few hours later after they were done with their task and Scott with a gauze bandage wrapped around his head, they sat quietly on the couch. Neither had said anything in what felt like weeks, both tired and exhausted from the evening's excitement.

"So," Cry stated, breaking their silence, "what happened after I was K.O.'d?"

_Too much. _Jund just sighed, letting his head rest back on the cushions up before looking at Cry. Then he told him, everything, which was not all that much but too much at the same time. After he was done Cry just had a blank look on his face.

"He's never done that before. Been what'd you say, 'self-aware?' He's thought I was someone else plenty of times, but that," he shook his head, "never."

"I was afraid you'd say that. What the hell happened to him, man? What made him like this?"

Cry waved his hands in front of his face, "No. Not touching that. That's between you and him. What I know I only know because I was around. I have my theories but, I can't man."

"No I understand. It'd help but that's completely unprofessional."

"I'd say so is having the hots for your patient but that cat's out of the bag. Skipped right over that and just went right for face-fucking him huh? You overachiever you. "

Jund laughed, "You have a point, but I'd have never done it, if I wasn't afraid for your life man. If he'd have caught you, fuck. "

Scott leaned over a bit, getting a better view of Cry's neck. "That the one you beat the shit out of him for?"

Now it was Cry's turn to laugh, "Nah man. That was something else entirely and he was normal Snake when that happened. The neck though, that was the last time he was 'out.' I'm not sure I'll ever get over that one, and whatever he saw was ten times worse on his end."

Jund coughed a bit and took a sip of his beer, "You know at first I thought this might be classic PTSD stuff, but now. I just don't know. I want him to trust me but fuck, I'm afraid it's—he's gonna kill someone before I even get that far. Are you sure you're okay here?"

"I'll be fine," he said twisting to a more comfortable position on the couch, "there's just so much I don't know. Will he remember this tomorrow?"

"Never has before. So I doubt it."

"Well at least that's something. I just have so much to think about, and we need to find a way to tone the black-outs down; or at the very least minimize their occurrence. You can't keep doing this. I know I can't, man, not the commute and with everything else. Fuck, this is all so much more then I bargained for."

Cry looked over at him guiltily, "I know you agreed to do this pro bono since the VA won't cover your services, but if we need to we'll make payments."

A sound of smooth dismissal emitted from Jund's throat, "I wouldn't do that to you, either of you. He's got bigger problems. On a happier note though, how are things with Felix?"

Cry made a groaning sound, "In a word, tense. He understands why I'm doing what I'm doing, but it's not easy for him. I'm seeing him tomorrow since were both off and it's Sunday. So hopefully I can reassure him a bit." He ended with a smile.

"It must be nice," Scott said half incoherent by way of an unexpected yawn. "Mind if I crash here tonight though? It's a bit of a drive and I'm not sure I'll make it."

"Well I didn't expect you to leave tonight, dipshit. Be right back I'll grab some blankets and shit."

When Cry returned Jund was already half asleep. "You know that pulls out into a bed right," he said motioning to the couch before tossing a blanket and pillow on top of him."

"Too tired, much sleep, such exhaust," he replied, trying and failing to tack a grin on the end of the reference.

Once he was situated Cry looked over at him. "Thanks for everything though. Need to be up early or anything? Because I'm gonna be heading out early."

Scott just waved at him, "Nah. Off Sunday."

"Okay man," he said, walking out of the room, but stopped short once he reached the light switch. "Also uh, might try and ask him about Cheyenne, might get you somewhere. Not sure if he'll say much yet but," he shrugged, "you never know. That'd be a decent starting point at least."

He flipped of the switch. "Night," then he was gone.

Nearly asleep, Scott just smashed his face against the soft pillow before one last thought flitted through his mind. _So Cry thought Cheyenne might be a good starting point._

_Snake's wife._


	5. Sweat & Blood

**Slightly shorter then normal, closer to the 3K mark on this one.**

**Warnings**: Violence/blood/tiny bit of gore - non-graphic (eluding) sexual encounters

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**V. Sweat & Blood**

Water cascaded down the walls, and steam filled the room. The two men clung to one another in a desperate passion as the rode out their desire, their frustrations, and lust. The sound of each other's names filled the room while simple commands were issued and obeyed without question. Cry's face was slammed against the side of the shower while Felix's fingers dug into the taller man's scalp, both men calling out as they met completion.

Dried and dressed they collapsed together onto the couch in comfortable silence. No words were needed yet, just happy to have this time together, to be able to touch and hold without consequence. Even though they had known one another for so long the relationship aspect of it still seemed new at times. It'd been three years of this, three years of sneaking and loving and longing for something more permanent. They knew one another intimately but the forces keeping them apart also caused undeniable uncertainty.

Neither dared ask for more. Both men knew one of them would be forced to give up their life-long dream of being game designers and both knew the other would never ask for such a selfish act. While Felix was massively more successful, Cry still had a major fan following. Both made more than enough cash, but that wasn't what it was about. They were at a stand-still in their relationship; they had nowhere to go, moving to the next level wasn't a viable option, and neither wanted to end it. Love was love, and so they just enjoyed what time they had while they had it.

Felix stretched, allowing his hand to trail along Cry's arms. "So, how are things going with Snake?"

Cry sighed, not really wanting to start this conversation yet. It always ended in one of them feeling guilty, "Alright for now. Scott's work seems to be helping. I'll know for sure later today. He stayed over last night after an episode, was still asleep when I left this morning."

A nervous look crossed the Swede's face. "Did he hurt you?"

Cry closed his eyes for a second, trying to school his face the best he could. "Nah, I'm fine. S'all good."

A firm grip latched onto Cry's jaw, carefully avoiding the still discolored areas of his neck. "Don't fucking lie to me. You promised. So what the hell happened?"

Yanking Pewd's hand off of him in a slightly irritated manner, he adjusted his position so he was sitting upright. "Fucking fine. Damn. I wasn't hurt badly just got pushed out of the way while he was after Jund and I may have hit a wall rather hard and got knocked out. It's not a big deal, I'm fine. Promise."

A glare was leveled at the taller man, "Jesus Cry. What the hell, when's enough gonna be enough? I understand that he's a friend. He's mine too, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna take ass kicking after ass kicking from the guy either. Fuck! Don't you know what this shit does to me?"

"Don't fucking lecture me on friendship," Cry ground out through clenched teeth, standing up. "He needs help and I'll be damned if you keep me from helping him when he needs someone most. What don't you get about,_ 'It's not him_?' He doesn't have any control. Do you even get what the fuck he's going through?"

Now it was Felix's turn to stand, "No. I'm sorry I don't get it and I'm a little fucking biased, but what do you want from me? I don't wanna wake up to a phone call one day telling me that 'not Snake,'" he motioned with his fingers, "is responsible for your death. Sue me for caring too much you fucking inconsiderate ass—"

After that Cry lost track of what he was saying. Felix's accent deteriorated slowly until he was just cussing Cry in his native language. He caught a few words here and there that he did know, a "fuck you" and "fuck it all," every so often telling Cry he had nearly exhausted himself of the animosity that had sprung up between them.

When he finally did stop he just looked up at Cry with a dejected look, shoulders slumping before curling up on the couch hugging his knees. The taller man just watched as Pewds raked his fingers through his hair pulling at it slightly as he did so.

"I just want you to be okay. I hate that we're fucking adults having to sneak around like some Shakespearean tragedy—that we have to sneak around at all. I hate that we have to act like were ashamed of what we are and who were dating at work and in public just so people stay off our back. I hate that on top everything we can't even remotely try to move or relationship to the next level and I'm stuck here every minute of the day when you're not with me wondering if you're okay. Most of all though, I hate that not even for one second, not one minute, you can't put yourself in my shoes and understand why this is so hard for me."

Now it was Cry's turn to look crestfallen, "Pewds—"

"Don't, don't try to validate the situation, ju-just go."

He laughed. "Fuck that, I'm not going anywhere. Now scooch over and come here," he reasoned, plopping down on the couch and motioning for the dirty blonde to curl into him.

Felix complied and relaxed into his boyfriends as he massaged his scalp with his fingers. "I'm sorry, I love you," he whispered, holding back a yawn.

"Don't worry about it Pewds, love you too. Now let's at least try to relax and enjoy the rest of the day, hmm?"

"Sounds good, but don't relax too much," he smirked, pulling him into a brief kiss. "The shower was just a preview."

Cry's laugh rang throughout the house. The tension wasn't gone but abated for now. They didn't have time for anger, and it wasn't worth it, especially when there was already so little time for love.

**—X— **

The snow continued to fall around him, staining its purity with red after each step he took. The chill of the below freezing climate didn't faze him, he just felt the weight at his back, the pain of each step, and the never-ending red that followed.

The feet he could no longer feel below him were cracked and bloody. Frostbite had set in some of his toes ages ago. The ones that were left hanging on by what he expected was the residual stubbornness his body possessed. The clothing he wore was nonexistent; what was once there torn down and worn away by time. And yet he trudged on, never stopping, never quite letting his fire die.

The longer he went the harder it became, the smell of rotting flesh following him. The weight of his past behind slowly driving him to a crawl, but still he managed to trudge on. Time inevitably passed. The burdens getting heavier, the bodies continuing to pile up behind him; the stench of those decaying bodies eventually burns out his ability to smell at all.

He never looked back, that was the rule. No matter the sounds, or how much time had passed, not ever. He knew what was back there and that was more than enough. This burden was his punishment and if his punishment in this hell was to ferry his sins across an icy plain then he would, but that didn't mean he had to look, not again. He deserved this fate.

Behind him the hooks in his back pulled relentlessly at the skin. Blood never seeming to dry out, never just letting him die, never letting him forget. One hook for the bodies he had killed in combat, one for the dead in self-defense, and the last; the last had been an empty chain. No bodies drug along that chain. The clinking sound it made almost comforting. No dead had been claimed along that line. Never had he killed a friend, never someone in his trust, never someone that he didn't have to.

Years passed that way until one day it snagged. The weight behind him suddenly became too much, and the clinking sound of the once empty chain fell silent. _No. _Without thinking he looked, breaking the rule that should never have been broken.

The bodies behind him weighed down that dreaded chain—the hooks in his back pulling at the dead weight. The once empty metal link now weighed down with fresh kills. He saw the faces of his friends, his family. Cry, lifeless and decapitated, head in his hands, Felix holding onto the other man with a blade extending from a deep laceration in his back. Friends he had known his entire life hacked and sawed apart savagely, their remains bloody and revolting.

His eyes scanned over the men and women he once knew and called friends. Lastly he saw the familiar face of Scott Jund, his stomach dropped and he fell to his knees. His body was the most violated and desecrated of them all. Jaw torn halfway off, ribs somehow protruding through his chest as his heart perched on the end of a single stained bone.

The snow around him was slowly engulfed and stained in the blood of those he had slain. He couldn't move, just kept staring at the lifeless forms of the dead, of his betrayal. When did this happen, how? His head circled with questions, but no answers came. Nothing, just more snow, pain, and that same never-ending color staining everything he touched.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk," a familiar voice sounded from behind him.

Snake turned his head and spat, "What the hell do you want?"

"What I always want," the tall figure said with a nonchalant shrug.

Snake looked up into the face of his mirror, "The answer's still no. This," he shouted, indicating the bodies of his friends,"—is all you. I didn't, would never commit such bestial savagery. What did you do to them, why won't you just leave?! What did you do!?"

The other flashed his teeth in a malicious smile, showing off his inhuman razor sharp fangs. "Because it's fun. If you loosened up a bit maybe that stick might fall out of your ass."

"Leave them alone," Snake growled, the tension starting to release out of his shoulders.

The mirror raised his eyebrow in realization, "How do you know they're not really dead? Maybe I actually killed them this time."

It was Snake's turn to smile, "Now why would I tell you that? You're not perfect you know."

The man opposite him snapped his fingers and the bodies of his friends vanished. When he turned back around he was right in front of his face. "Watch it," he warned. "This was just a preview of what's gonna happen, a peek into a work in progress if you will. You won't always be able to fight back, and I swear on that day you will fucking bathe in their blood."

Snake wrapped a hand around his mirror's neck, squeezing and effectively cutting off his air supply. Unfortunately it was also cutting off his and sooner more than later he let go, both men coughing and trying to regain their breath._Damn mental tether._

The mirror chuckled at him and his lack of control. "You really are a masochist aren't you? I don't know how you're alive with all that attached to your back, let alone conscious. I have to admit, it's so much better this way, having you resist like this. It'll make the end result that much sweeter. Enjoy the sanity while it lasts."

Snake watched as the mirror faded from sight, but not before he pulled on the empty chain, causing the hook to pull at his back and making him let out a roar of pain. After a moment he looked behind him to where the bodies of his friends had vanished, where Jund had lain with his heart speared on his own rib.

_Save me._

**—X—-**

Jund startled awake, arms flying wildly as he tried to escape the tangled mass that was his blanket. The thunderous cry he heard from Snake's room had him on his feet and rushing down the hall. Throwing the door open he stood in the doorway as he just looked at the giant figure tossing and turning on his bed.

Jund approached the still sleeping man and frowned a bit as he saw how hard his teeth were clenched, face scrunched up as if in pain. Extending a hand out before him he checked Snake's temperature, jerking it back at the damp heat that he found there.

He was too hot, boiling, and if he didn't cool down soon Jund knew he might have to call the ambulance. Pulling off the covers he stared in horror at what he found. The blankets and Snake were covered in red. He wasn't sure if it was blood but whatever the fuck it was, it was coming out of his pores like sweat. _What the fuck is wrong with you. This is so beyond the levels of normal._

Trying to wake the man he shoved him, called out his name, and shook him, all to no avail. He was out cold. He knew there was only one option left and he sighed at the ludicrousness of the whole situation. Pulling off his dress shirt he slept in he began to work. No way can he support a guy Snake's size of his tiny frame, so he had to get a bit creative. Taking the comforter from the bed, he laid it on the floor before grabbing the massive man and sliding him off of the bed as gracefully as he could manage onto the blanket. Which wasn't very much at all.

After the sound of collapsing limbs on floor Scott started dragging as best he could. He clipped Snake's arm off of the corner of the wall as they entered the bathroom, but the man never stirred, Scott making a mental note to clean the red smears off the wall and floor later.

Dragging from the feet end first he pulled Snake's lower half into the tub where he was standing, blanket and all. After some work and heavy lifting he was completely within the tub. Maybe not in the most comfortable position, but Snake was in there, Jund covered in whatever red substance was emitting from his pores.

He turned the knob to cold and the shower came on. Snake stayed unconscious for the most part and Scott let the tub fill up with water as the shower sprayed him. Once the tub filled half-way he turned the water off, grabbing a rag to wipe him down and remove the excess sweat. When he was done the water had been diluted to a dull reddish color, but his fever had subsided. Scott breathed a sigh of relief.

Running around the corner real quick to the linen closet, Jund grabbed a couple clean towels to dry the man off. Not much else he could do except wait and see what happened. He wasn't sure what he was going to be able to do exactly to help Snake but when he entered the bathroom he realized that it was no longer gonna be an issue.

Looking somewhat like a cat drenched in its own blood, Snake was standing awkwardly in the tub just glowering at the man opposite him. "Jund, what the hell is going on?"

"Don't look at me," he stated, handing Snake one of the towels, "you screamed, I woke up, you were boiling hot and sweating what I think was blood out of your pores. I pulled you along into the tub and cooled you off, brought your fever down, and now I'm here. So unless you have some blood related disease that makes you bleed out your pores when you sweat, you might be having some bigger issues here."

Snake just shrugged, "I do."

Jund cocked his head to the side, not quite sure he was hearing the bigger man right as he watched him dry off his yet unclothed torso. "What?"

"Hematidrosis," he said with a sigh, stepping out of the tub and pulling off the rest of his wet clothes. He smirked when he noticed Scott swiftly turn his back, knowing he had undoubtedly caught an eyeful before he reacted. "It's a disorder," he continued, drying off the rest of the way, "caused by stress."

Jund, positively sure his face was the color of the water in the tub, took a minute to say anything. Seeing Snake in all his defined glory certainly made things a bit…harder. Thinking a near incapability, well, thinking appropriately anyways. Taking deep breaths and the control of a god he turned, praying that he had covered himself.

"You're telling me that stress caused you to bleed from your skin?"

Snake adjusted the towel around his waist, "Well that is typically where blood comes from Doc. But yes, the 'condition' I have has caused what they call an extreme amount of stress, which triggered the bleeding in my pores. I usually have a patch I wear—kinda like a nicotine patch—I was supposed to change it, I didn't, and thus the bloody result."

Snake moved to squeeze by Jund then and left the room, leaving behind a very confused and disturbed counterpart. Trying to get his thoughts in order he began cleaning up the mess in the bathroom, wringing out and hanging the comforter over the shower rod before putting it in the washer, wherever that was located.

When he finally got done with that he headed out to the hall to start on where he had drug Snake through only to find him already there.

"Listen," the larger male started, "you've done a lot for me and Cry in the short time I've known you. I'm going out in a bit, so d'you wanna tag along?"

Scott nervously scratched the back of his neck. This was a professional opportunity if he ever saw one; _this_ is the kind of thing they needed to establish in their relationship, a sense of trust, going places and doing things. Plus he knew he was going to have to ask some rather…sensitive questions soon, and he was not looking forward to the possibly outcome. If his condition wasn't deteriorating so rapidly he could pace himself the way he would normally, give the friendship time to develop naturally. Regrettably they both knew that that wasn't a viable option. Snake's other side was getting more and more violent and he hadn't even began to really open up to him.

Smiling up at him Scott nodded, "Yea, that'd be great. Where're we going?"

"I was planning on taking you tomorrow for the session, but an old friend is going to be there today and I just thought it might be beneficial if you guys met." He sighed. "I'm not really sure how all this shrinky stuff works on your end, and I'm gonna try and treat you like I would anyone else. Probably a bit nicer, cause you're still my Doc and I can't quite forget that yet. Not sure if I ever will completely."

"I can get that," Jund interjected, "it's not an easy thing, trust."

Snake just nodded before continuing on. "So she just might be able to help fill in some of those blanks, I'll do what I can. I'm not ready for some things yet though, don't push it."

"Understood," the smaller brunette responded, finishing the last of the cleaning.

"Great," Snake said, standing and brushing off his black jeans. "Let me just grab the guns and we'll leave."

"Guns!?" Jund half choked out. "You've got to be kidding me!"

He wasn't.


	6. Aim & Fire

**Here, have a longer chapter to make up for the short one. 6k+**

**Warnings:** Slight violence (very little), don't get your hopes up people

**A/N: I**t's not the best and super long but it was all necessary plot building stuff. So yea. Whoot. Hope you like.

**Also this wasn't edited/beta'd like the rest were because I thought you waited long enough for my slow ass.**

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**VI. Aim & Fire**

Jund found himself pulling into an old gravel driveway a few hours later. He wasn't sure why he agreed to this, the whole thing seemed ten shades of not a good idea yet here he was, following along like a lost puppy. He just hoped he could stop anything bad from happening before it started, the night before was enough to last him a lifetime.

Both men drug themselves out of the car after the hour long drive into the country. Scott looked around taking in the scenery. Being a city boy his whole life the closest he ever got to "country" was the dog park. Out here though, it was beautiful. He could breathe; it sort of had this calm that seemed to just surround the place.

Walking to the other side of the car he turned to Snake, "I know you said we were going to an old war buddies place, but you never said it would be this beautiful."

Snake shrugged passing Jund to head to the trunk waiting for him to pop it open, "I love it here. It's one of the only places I feel… Normal." He slung the heavy bag of gear over his shoulder signaling for Jund to get the other gun cases.

Shutting the trunk after him Jund hurried his steps to catch up with Snake who was already a forth of the way up towards the rather large cabin. It was a hot day, out of the air conditioned car all of two minutes and he was already sweating, but it had its benefits. Snake was wearing a slightly too tight shirt causing his arms to practically bulge under the fabric, his back muscles clearly visible.

He had touched those muscles, he had had his hips pressed seductively against the man directly in front of him and Snake had no idea. He knew he should have said something, and he would… Yea definitely, or at least that's what he told himself.

The loud bang of a gunshot shook him from his current train of thought making him slip and fall back onto the hard gravel. Expletives left his mouth as he took Snakes offered hand ignoring the small smirk he detected there and grabbed the fallen cases. If this was a sign of how he day was gonna go he was not looking forward to it.

"Sounds like they're already out back, let's go around," he called from over his shoulder disappearing around the side of the house.

Jund stopped a minute to process himself. Meeting his friends was a good sign, good therapy in general really, and he found himself eager to see how Snake interacted with people from his past. Rushing to catch up again he found Snake had already gone ahead and could hear him amiably greeting his friends.

Peering around the corner he saw a sight that made him do a double-take. Snake was wrapped in a tight embrace from a lovely female with blood-red hair. She was much shorter than him and Snakes form stooped lower to compensate the difference. Scott saw her smack him playfully one the arm as she pulled away.

He watched the man turn to him then and wave him over, a rare smile still plastered to his rugged face. A hand soon made contact with his back as Snake ushered him to his side motioning to the female with the flaming hair.

"This is Red, she's the one I told you about. We served together in the same Unit in Afghanistan." He put an arm around her pulling her in to give her head an affectionate yet annoying rub with his knuckles. "She's the closest thing I have to a sister."

Scott released a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding and held a hand out to his new acquaintance. "I'm Scott; it's nice to finally meet you."

Red took his hand giving it a firm shake and looking him up and down. "He didn't tell you I was a woman did he?"

Scott smiled shaking his head, "Not even close."

Red turned her whole body to face his patient and gave him a look that said,_why do I even try to put up with you?_ Instead she just looked back to Scott and gave a shrug, "I've told him before that is doesn't matter, but he seems to find it funnier this way."

Scott gave a light chuckle at the thought of Snake finding anything funny, "Well I'm not disappointed or anything, just not exactly what I pictured when Snake said I was meeting a buddy that served with him."

The red head nodded tying her hair back with a band that was previously wrapped around her wrist and pulling a hat out of her back pocket and throwing it on. She was pretty short, but not much in comparison to his own 5'7" stature, and she held herself with a kind of confidence most women would envy. He could tell right away she still trained regularly, the muscles showing on her arms were still defined, her body holding the frame of fit and toned. He thought it suited her.

Thin rimmed glasses framed vibrant green eyes. While looking at her in unguarded moments talking to Snake he could see pain and loss that shaped the way she portrayed herself but her eyes—her eyes held a kind of happy innocence and he couldn't help but smile. Snake needed people like her in his life. As if the thought was a premonition the snap of a screen door caught their attention all eyes turning to a new face coming out of the house. Smiles erupted all around and Scott's attention was drawn to Snake as he held his arms out for another embrace to this new addition.

The man was just slightly shorter than Snake and just a bit taller than himself. He also wore glasses on the brim of his nose blue eyes shining bright and face lit up with a smile. Jund couldn't help but grin at the sight before him and before long he was being pushed closer by Snake again as introductions were made.

"This," the deep voice half laughed, as he patted the man in question on the back, "this is Russ." Turning his face to Russ and gesturing to Jund, "and Russ this is Scott Jund."

Immediately Scott held out his hand in offering and Russ gripped just as hard as Red had and he couldn't help but wonder how much a handshake could say about him but either way he seemed to pass and Russ patted him on the back as well smiling. "Nice to finally meet you, Snake's mentioned you a few times and we have to admit, we were curious."

Jund's gaze snapped to his companion for a moment in shock, he had not been expecting that. While he liked the idea of building a friendship he couldn't help but wonder exactly he would have told his close friends about him. He watched with interest as he saw Snake rub the back of his neck and avoided Jund's questioning gaze changing that topic entirely.

"Russ here was the medic that treated Red and I after we were pinned down near the border. Red there, the romantic that she is, was sweet on him first day; took no time with preliminaries and proposed to him right on the spot."

At Scott's surprised face she shot an amused look at her old war buddy, "While true, it might have had something to do with all the pain killers I was on." She turns her attention to Scott, "You see I had a few bullets lodged into a few of my muscles here, here, and there" she explained pointing to a few spots on her right side," Russ here was the one to dig em out she said bumping her hip into his and looking up at him with an affectionate smile.

"So what happened after this impromptu proposal," Scott asked.

A chuckle rolled around the group, all Red and Snakes eyes glued to Russ who was perhaps laughing the longest. Once he caught his breath he and calmed down he looked right at Scott, "It's funny because I've forgotten so much about what happened all those years ago but that moment I still remember like it was yesterday. I was still pretty green when these two ended up in my charge, only been stationed there for around 3 months and had already seen enough to last me a lifetime."

Scott noticed Snake clench his fist and he wasn't the only one. Red interrupted the story with a tap to Russ' shoulder," We're gonna go set up, meet you guys over there. And don't forget the last of it in the house, we'll see what the newbie can do," then she's kissed him on the cheek, Snake giving him the briefest of nods, and before he knew it they were gone.

We both just shrugged in their absence not wanting to draw attention to how everyone noticed Snakes reaction and acted accordingly. "Come on inside than, I'll finish the story as we grab the rest of the stuff."

Scott followed Russ inside the house. Stepping inside he was blown away, it had a rustic outdoorsy meets modern day look to it that just seemed to work. Browns, greens, and reds stood out t his eyes, antlers hanging on the way from previous hunts and by far the biggest computer set up he had ever seen in his life against the far wall. Being so far out in the middle of nowhere he never imagined he'd see anything remotely close to something like this. He turned to Russ nearly speechless voice raised an octave or two more than he liked pointing at the piece of art.

"How-where?"

The biggest grin appeared on Russ' face. "That, that's my baby. I can't tell you how much work I've put into her, so worth it."

Scott heaved, "I'd say." He shot him a knowing look. "Hack?"

Barring his teeth he nodded, "Much hack. I code for a living so she's my pride and joy. Took about 3 years to complete her to what she is today."

"Great job. She's definitely a beauty; frankly I'm more than a little jealous. I'd kill for a setup like this."

They talked a bit more about the specs of Russ' creation before they were finally able to drag themselves down to the basement. It was several degrees cooler and split into two parts with three concrete pillars going down the center. On the right side walls held an innumerable amount of weapons of every class: Swords, daggers, throwing stars, axes, a variety of bows, but more than anything was guns. He'd never seen so many in one place before, so many sizes, and types, he was instantly more intimidated than he had been when first meeting these guys.

On the left equally as intimidating as the guns if not a bit more curious was what he deemed an unnecessary amount of reptiles. Different colored lights poured down on the creatures as they slithered or crept through their enclosures.

As if sensing the uneasiness in Scott as his eyes widened and stared in awe at the room Russ explained. "Red collects, breeds, and sells both guns and reptiles. Not illegally mind you, she has a permit to sell. The Reptiles are mostly for pleasure but some of the Snake venom goes towards making antidotes."

Jund couldn't help but smile, "That's actually really cool."

Russ nodded in response. "Here," he said sliding a bag down the counter near one of the walls covered in guns, "I'll finish the story while I hand you ammo to pack in the bag."

Bending down and unlocking a cabinet he slides open a door and starts stacking ammo onto the counter. "Well being proposed to by a drugged up beautiful women was not something on my everyday agenda, but lacking any other ideas at the time I accepted."

Jund looked down at his partner stuffing ammo in the bag all the while, "You accepted the proposal?"

"Oh yes. What I didn't expect was my drugged up "fiancé" to pull me in for the most passionate kiss of my life before promptly passing out." Russ shook his head a blush rising to his cheeks as he remembered, "I couldn't get her out of my head after that. It didn't help that Snake watched the whole thing with shocked amusement asking if he could be the flower girl."

"Snake said that," Scott interjected mouth hanging open in disbelief.

"Yeah. He said a lot of things that day, drugs didn't knock him out, but fuck if I've ever seen him that talkative since." He grabbed a few more boxes of ammo and set them on the counter before locking it back up. "After she woke apparently someone must have told her what happened because she cussed me up one way and down the other. I tried to explain that I didn't mean anything by it and then one minute she was yelling at me again and the next she was kissing me. I have never been more confused in my life and you know," he gestured to himself with his free hand as he leaned back on the counter, "I'm a guy, so I kissed her back because let's face it, when the hell was I gonna get that chance again. I don't know but apparently I did something right because after that I just never looked back, neither of us did."

Scott chuckled a little under his breath, "Huh, that's something. I'm happy that it worked out for you guys, shit like that isn't easy to keep going, especially in a war zone."

"Oh you don't have to tell me. I constantly worried about her, I knew Snake a little by the time they left again but trusting somebody else with the life of someone you love… easier said than done."

"I can't imagine."

Russ grabbed two quivers of arrows and headed for the stairs motioning for Scott to grab the bag, "Let's hope you never have to."

**—X—**

Snake felt the wood of the table under his fingertips and sighed. It was nice to be back here, he wasn't constantly worried about hurting someone, he could relax and actually enjoy himself, it was a good idea to come.

"So what's the deal with you and Scott," Red's voice called out distracting him from his solace.

Snake scrunched up his brow at the question, "What do you mean?"

"I just always assumed you were straight that's all, you look cute together."

He just stared at her like she grew another head, "Where the fuck did that come from? We're not dating."

She smiled that smile when she knows she's won an argument. "But you're not exactly opposed to the idea are you?" Snake stiffened glaring at her. "Don't glare at me in that tone of voice. It just seems if you had been you might have defended the fact that you _are_ straight instead of just that fact that you weren't dating."

Snake just rolled his eyes at his friend, admitting nothing.

The silence grew between the two as they both tweaked with weapons making sure they were clean and ready for when the other two idiots showed up. He sighed, "I wonder what's taking them so long."

Red lifted herself so she could sit on the table picking at her nails. "He likes you ya know?"

Snake turned his head barely listening, "What?"

Red sighed. "Scott, you know the small cute brunet who couldn't take his eyes off of you? The one who looked a bit too relieved when you said I was like your sister."

Snake rolled his eyes. "No, we're just…friends. He's helping me out with some stuff anyways, so it's strictly platonic."

"You don't sound so sure."

"I am. Plus even if I were," he swallowed hard, "interested, which I'm not, it wouldn't work. I'm too fucked up for any kind of relationship."

A hand playfully slapped his cheek followed by a finger in his face. "Stop your shit. You don't give yourself enough credit. Fucked up, alright yeah, you have some issues; no one can blame you after what happened. You said you were getting help right? That's a start, and that a good thing, but you can't hold yourself back if you're starting to feel something for someone again, even if that someone happens to be a guy."

Snake did not wanna talk about any of this. He knew Red was just trying to help, but she didn't know how bad it was—no one did until they saw it firsthand. He didn't want them to know Scott was his doctor and since he was trying out this whole friends and trust thing he wanted them to be as comfortable around him as possible. In all honestly though he didn't know what he wanted, and a relationship was the last thing on his mind.

"Just drop it Red, you really don't know how wrong you are. And as for what I feel, I'm not exactly the feelings kind of guy or did you forget who I was for a second? If I wanted Scott I'd have him, the fact that he's a guy has nothing to do with it. You know how I am about that shit; gender doesn't interest me, people do, fuck all the labels people have the need to throw out there nowadays."

Red held up her hand in surrender, "Alright, alright, subject dropped. I just wanted you to be aware, try not to lead the poor guy on though. I mean I have no stock in it as of yet but it'd suck to lose a friend over something like that. So might just wanna put it out there or something because after today I have a feeling he's gonna get the wrong idea."

"After today," Snake asked turning his head to the side. "What's happening today?"

She raised an eyebrow and sighed at Snakes oversight. "You'll be teaching him how to shoot and shit right?"

Snake nodded.

"You know better than I that teaching takes a kind of, "she clapped her hands together in demonstration, "up close and personal approach. You'll be all over him and he's gonna be a mess."

He frowned rubbing at his temples, "I honestly hadn't thought of that. Fuck," he cursed slamming a fist into the table. Everything always seemed to get complicated on him. He just wanted a normal day, just one and now…

Looking up at red he smiled, "I don't suppose you'll help me out?"

"With a bow, yes, because you're shit. Everything else, fuck naw, it's just too good. I gotta say I'm kind of looking forward to watching how you guys interact. And don't even try to hustle Russ into this, your "friend" your student."

"Bitch."

"Cocksucker."

**—X—**

Jund was sweating, only this time it had nothing to do with the heat pounding down on them. In fact as the day wore on a nice breeze had rolled through the little valley and made the day substantially more favorable.

No, Jund was sweating because at that exact moment his world consisted of the hot breath at his ear, the hard chest against his back, and the gun in his hands. He'd been practicing and shooting for hours and every single time he switched to a different gun Snake would be right there; guiding him, hands around his body showing him how to hold it right, how to handle it, and what to expect when it went off.

He had to admit he was enjoying himself a bit more than he should. He like shooting and he could tell with Snakes help he did much better than he had on his own the first few times. He could hit the target every time, maybe not direct center, but at least he was hitting something. The whole experience made him feel good, and if the fact Snake's praise made his heart swell, well he could just keep that to himself.

Eventually he switched off to practice the bow with Red on the opposite side of the range dedicated to such things. They had a very nice set up and zero neighbors so noise wasn't even an issue. He watched Snake and Russ a bit before leaving and had to admit he was more than a little impressed with their ability. Retirement hadn't seemed to affect either of their skill sets and wondered how much fun it could really be to hit the target dead center every time, competition apparently was the answer.

While he liked shooting with Snake he learned very fast that he was a bit of a natural with a bow. Red was a great teacher and even she seemed impressed with how well he picked up the art.

Red stood back arms folded as she watched him shoot the last of the arrows into the target, "Are you sure you've never done this before?"

Scott nodded, "Yea, unless high school gym counts."

She laughed, "No, it really doesn't."

As they both walked over to acquire the imbedded arrows Scott felt her eyes on him. "What?"

She shrugged tucking a lose strand of hair back into place, "It's nothing. Just thinking."

Raising an eyebrow in interest Scott crossed him arms and headed back over to the bench, "About what exactly, you've been watching me all day?"

Red grinned a bit completely ruining the farce of uninterested, "Noticed that did you."

"It's been a bit distracting."

A chuckle of disbelief sounded from her throat, "Sorry if I find that a bit hard to believe with the way your eyes have been glued to Snake all day."

Scott's jaw dropped in shock but quickly recovered closing it and shaking his head, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Ugh, the both of you, two fucking peas in a pod I swear." She leaned against the bench there picking at her nails. "Look, while most people wouldn't notice, I do, I have an irritating knack for picking up these kinds of things. So you can deny it all you want," she rose her gaze to his, "but we both know I'm right."

Scott swallowed, "I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything, just be careful; he's kind of a mess."

He couldn't help it, he laughed. Fucking hell did he laugh. Clutching his stomach he staggered back to the table and just let himself fall back onto it while Red looked on the scene with a mixture of horror and curiosity.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he heaved out when he caught some breath and sitting up, "it's just I know firsthand how fucked up he is and it just caught me off guard is all. I mean fuck, the whole god damned thing is a mess, and I don't even know what I'm doing any more."

"Huh… that is not what I expected."

He chuckled a bit at that, "No I figure not."

"So what exactly is going on between you two, I'm getting mixed readings all over the place. Like you, I can tell you like him, but I can also tell you hold back, but sometimes you look at him like you're remembering something and that makes zero sense considering what Snake told me… unless he's lying?"

Jund scratched the back of his head trying to decide what he should tell her. Obviously Snake wanted to keep the fact that he was his doctor a secret so he wasn't sure what to say, he could use the advice though.

"It's complicated. Let's just say he may have kissed me the other night but he doesn't exactly remember it."

"He what?!"

Scott just nodded in response.

"You have to tell him."

Eyes widening he declined, "No. I mean I know I should but I don't see the point. I don't wanna be killed, and I know he didn't mean anything by it, he's straight as they come."

Red straightened her back putting her hands on her hips ready for a fight, "Did you kiss him back?"

Scott rubbed his hands down his face willing her to understand, "It's not that simple, there were other extenuating circumstances that—"

"Did-you-kiss-him-back," she demanded interrupting him.

He threw up his hands in defeat, "Fine! Yes, okay, yes I kissed him back."

Her stance seemed to scream at him, _now was that so hard_, "Then you have to tell him. Whatever, "extenuating circumstances,"" she stated bringing her hands up in air quotes, "there may be he deserves to know. Receptive or not your alls tongues did the tango and he's fucked up enough without you hiding shit from him. What if he remembers this shit one day? Then not only will he not trust you be he'll wonder what they fuck else went on that he doesn't know about."

She was right and he knew it, he just wasn't looking forward to this little heart to heart he had to have. I mean it's not like he did it on purpose, he would never have done anything if it weren't for Cry or the fact that he was afraid for his life at that moment, but would Snake even care, or would he feel more violated than ever?

"You're right," he admitted.

"I know," she smiled. "Let's shoot a few more quivers and then I'll take Russ off to the sparring mat while you talk to Snake."

"You want me to talk to him now, today!?"

Red shrugged drawing the string back of her compound bow, "Mine as well," she looked over at him deliberately not focusing on the target, and releasing, "should he not act favorably at least we'll be here to drag him off of you."

Scott stared at the target which of course had an arrow sticking straight out if its red center, he shook his head. "Show off."

"With practice you'll be as good as me probably, I wasn't nearly as gifted as you when I started off."

And that made Scott feel a little bit better, maybe he could do this. He just hoped he could survive through it. They knocked their arrows and finished out two more quivers before the gun shots at the other end of the yard ceased, and suddenly he wasn't sure he could do this after all.

**—X—**

Snake and Scott were gathering up the equipment to take back down to the basement while Red and Russ had gone to set up the sparring mat. It was getting too late in the evening for proper shooting and they both we're looking forward to the match, albeit for entirely different reasons.

Once loaded up, arms nearly overflowing with the weaponry they headed back towards the house. Scott caught a glimpse of a worried Red as she eyed the two of them heading down, but he waved her off, he was sure he'd be fine, most likely, hopefully. Down to the basement they went, Snake making two trips while he started putting away the left over ammo with the key Russ had given him.

Scott sighed. He wasn't sure there was a right way to tell someone something like this and delaying it was only making the gut-wrenching twist of his stomach that much worse. It didn't help that Snake was being nice and commenting on how well he did today, especially with the report that Red had given him about his talent with a bow.

Gripping the metal of the table in front of him until his knuckles were white he glanced at Snake summoning all the courage he had, and then it was instantly deflated.

"If you keep staring at me like that I'm gonna have to shoot you," a deep voice uttered completely ruining anything intelligent he had been about to say.

Scott chuckled nervously rubbing at his fingers, "Sorry, it's just that I've been meaning to talk to you about something and I wasn't really sure the proper protocol for going about doing it."

It was Snake's turn to sigh. "Look Scott, I'm flattered, but I just can't, we can't. This is awkward…"

Scott raised an eyebrow in confusion before he realized what Snake was implying. "Wait. Did you think I was asking you out, or doing some kind of confession thing?"

The bigger man looked completely lost, "Well I'm not so sure anymore."

The two men just stared at one another before Scott just broke down laughing leaving Snake looking even more lost but with a slight smile on his lips.

Snake folded his arms across his chest waiting for Scott to compose himself instead of waiting while the smaller man wiped tears out of his eyes he went back to checking to make sure all the chambers were clear and cleaning the guns before putting them back in their designated location.

"Fucking hell, I'm sorry, I just, it's funny is all." He calmed a bit realizing that he must be giving off some pretty strong vibes if Snake thought that. He needed to tone it down, it was just hard being able to remember and then not reacting, or staring, or wanting.

"So you mean to tell me you're not interested," he inquired, eyebrow raised in skepticism.

Well whether he planned a confession or not it looked like he was being thrown into a position where he was gonna have to give one. Scott rubbed at his temples feeling the start of a headache forming.

"It's not like that, of course I'm interested, you're fucking gorgeous," he countered trying to come off as casual as possible while inside he felt like his heart was going to bruise a rib. "It's not like it matters much anyways. For one," he argued ticking off a finger on his hand, "you're off limits. You're my patient and that's a giant law suit of a no, no. Two," he continued holding up another finger, "you're as straight as they come, I can't quite see you swinging on my side of the fence. You we're married, to a woman, and that kind of says it all right there. And three," he added holding up one last finger before finally dropping them, "taking everything into account assuming I'm wrong about all of it, it's fucking laughable. I may be a cocky son of a bitch at times, but even I can see how fucking comical us as a couple would be."

Snake shook his head, "That's not how it works. You don't just get to make up assumptions about me and assume there true and base our entire…whatever the fuck this is. You don't know hardly anything about me, who the hell are you to judge what you think I am off the infinitesimal amount you actually know?"

"What the fuck is that even supposed to mean, I'm a therapist, judging and trying to figure things out is my job."

"So you're telling me it's your job to label my sexuality and put it into this nice little labeled box you have for it" Snake disputed. "Not likely. I'll tell you what I told Red earlier, I'm not attracted to gender, I'm attracted to people. I don't need a word to tell me how I should feel about someone or something, fuck that. Either way none of that explains you."

Scott shook his head; he knew Snake was right to a point. For him it was just easier to accept that Snake was straight rather than the fact that he was just uninterested. "Explains me?"

The bigger man blew out a huff of air before his hands suddenly became very interesting. "Normally it's just small things, looks or body language, I can handle that, it's not like you can help it, or anyone really. But today, today I felt more sexual tension between us than I have while fucking others."

Scott felt the blush creep up his neck and onto his cheeks and before he knew it he was pacing and starting to internally panic. His heart was hammering all over again and suddenly it became very hard to breathe. Then before he knew it everything just came out in a rush, "Jesus Christ, I'm so sorry, I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. It's just after the stuff that happened last night I didn't know what to do, and then Red said I needed to tell you because it was wrong to keep it from you and then I remembered that I promised not to lie to you and while I haven't lied it was more like an omission and it's still wrong and it's caused me to think about things I shouldn't because you're my patient, and not even remotely interested, and it wasn't even that good, and I was terrified but I still remember and—"

The click of a gun and the cool metal against his temple caused the quick drop in his verbal expulsion and interrupting every thought he had before, _Oh fuck I'm gonna die._

He could hear Snake breathing heavily right next to him gun pushing further into the skin, chest hammering away, eyes closed tight, and a terrifying kind of fear he's never before experienced ran down his spine.

The deep tone of his voice pierced the silence making Scott jerk.

"Calm the fuck down and tell me what the fuck happened last night, what the fuck did I—_we_ do?"

Scott swallowed and wet his dry lips trying to compose himself as best he could but he couldn't help his voice from shaking, much like the rest of him. "I, uhh , we, we sort of—"

Suddenly his head was smacking against the cold metal of the table gun pressed more fiercely into his temple and twisting as Snake shouted, "We what?"

Tears were now starting to stream down Scotts face unbidden, words gushing out of his mouth in fear of more retaliation, "We kissed, we kissed, I swear that's all, I mean there was some touching and suggestiveness but nothing else happened I promise!"

Snake pulled the gun off Scotts temple pacing back a few steps as his victim pulled himself off the table; when Snake came back he grabbed Jund's collar forcing him back into a concrete pillar gun back in his face, "You fucking took advantage of me when I was blacked out, you're my fucking doctor, what the fuck is wrong with you?"

Scott was having trouble controlling anything he was doing or saying at this point and uttered half-coherently through sobs, "No, no, no. It wasn't like that I swear. You said some stuff and Cry was coming up behind you to try and help me and I didn't want you to attack him again and so instead of pulling away from you and what you were doing I kissed you and then you kissed back and then you were on the floor and it happened so fast, it wasn't even a good kiss I should never have done it I'm the worst therapist ever I just didn't know what else to do and I was just trying to survive the night and I'm so sorry, please don't kill me."

Snake looked completely dumbfounded as he tried to make sense of the jumble of words that left the smaller mans mouth. "Why…why wouldn't you tell me, what the fuck is wrong with me? I'm a monster." His gaze seemed to shift to the gun in his hand and he dropped it to the floor with a clack, it was only then that Jund noticed it never had a clip in it to begin with.

Snake stepped back looking lost and horrified, hands pulling at strands of his dark locks. Scott barely in control of himself just stepped forward, this wasn't about him. Placing his hands on either side of Snake's face he looked him in the eyes, "You're fine, you're gonna be okay. You are not a monster. You're sick; it's not really you when you're out of it. Just breathe. Take deep breathes, in, out."

Snake followed his orders and soon enough his breathing had calmed considerably. "Thanks," he whispered looking back at him.

"That's what I'm here for."

Snake smiled then, grateful for everything Scott had done. He needed him, and he could tell he was helping, but then the tension was back. He could feel the invisible pull towards this man and he soon found his eyes drift from Scotts eyes to his lips and body leaning in of its own accord, he wanted to kiss him, and this realization sent him reeling,

Scott could see the panic light up in Snakes eyes as he realized the intent behind his actions, quickly Snake pulled back pushing Scott forcefully back into the pillar causing his head to bounce of the concrete.

As his body fell to the floor head flaring in pain he saw Snake shake his head mouthing an apology before disappearing up the stairs in a hasty retreat putting as much distance between them as possible.

Scott could only remember the fleeting desire to go after him before he passed out.


	7. Knowledge & Protection

**Normal length here, though you may hate me.**

**Warnings: **Nope, just flirts

**A/N:** I have no excuses, I suck at updating. I also suck at editing. I've stared that this shit for so long. So ignore them or tell me to fix it. Sorry again, don't hate me. Hope it was worth the wait.

**Also, This is the last one I have done so far and it hasn't been updated in over a month (Cough. Closer to 2). I know, I'm bad. But-but, I'm working on it now. So hopefully, hopefully I should have it out soon. You might see a slight change in my writing style. I've been reading a lot and sometimes that helps me improve the way I write a bit. Idk, if the difference is too much let me know. **

* * *

**VII. Knowledge & Protection**

Scott sat nursing a cup of coffee in Red and Russ' living room; a half-melted Ziploc bag of ice lying forgotten next to him. When he first met Snake he hadn't anticipated being at the blunt end of his ferocity this many times. Well, at least not in this way.

The sound of a screen door slamming shut drew his attention, Red and Russ stepping through the door looking tired and haggard. Snake wasn't with them.

Red's hand drug over her face as she slumped into the couch across from Jund. Russ stood in the doorway a moment longer stretching his back before disappearing into the kitchen.

"What **exactly **did you do to him?" Red finally questioned when Russ reappeared holding two mugs of hot coffee. Red took the cup and just stared at Jund, eyes boring into him as Russ took his place next to his fiancé.

Scott blinked a few times trying to wrap his head around the accusation. "Me?! I didn't do a damn thing! One minute he had a gun to my head because I told him about the kiss then I was the one trying to calm him down when he started to slip into a panic attack. Before I knew if he was leaning into me for what I can only assume was a kiss and before anything can happen I'm the one being shoved back into a concrete pillar, him running off god knows where. I'm just as confused as anyone else."

Red and Russ shared a glance, Russ looking a little less confused than Scott thought he should have, but Red had probably filled him in on the stuff he told her earlier while they had been out looking for Snake.

Scott looked back and forth between the couple, eye scanning back and forth for any hint as to what had them so confused. He waited for what seemed like an eternity for some kind of response but just got awkward silence for his trouble.

"What?"

Red shifted uncomfortably but it was Russ who spoke. "He was himself right, when he attempted to kiss you?"

Scott rubbed at his skull exasperated, "Yes. It was the "real" him. I had just managed to calm him down and was helping him catch his breath and trying to comfort him a bit by telling him everything was going to be okay. I-I've seen the other him," he shuddered remembering, "I know the difference."

Red sighed. "Well it might have something to do with the fact that Snake hasn't shown a remote interest in anyone since Cheyenne died. Thinking and attraction is one thing, but almost kissing you might have triggered something, or just thrown him off kilter a bit. He is only human.

"What _is_ going on between you guys anyways? It's not just a friendship is it, something just feels… off," Russ interjected.

Scott turned his head away from the questioning eyes of his company. He didn't need a mirror to tell him his cheek were aflame from all the shame and embarrassment. He knew his attraction was wrong, his physical response while not as easily ignored should have never even been a subject of discussion. He should have been the one telling Snake it wasn't possible instead of the other way around. Fuck was this not good.

He eventually looked up at them if not a bit guiltily. "This is going to sound bad, he, uhh, he hadn't wanted me to tell you guys, tell anyone actually. At this point though I think this secret might do more harm than good."

Red's glare had him pinned to the chair, her eyes a warning for the words to come. Jund swallowed audibly before continuing, "I-ah I'm his doctor. Snakes therapist to be exact. Cry is an old buddy of mine and called in a favor for a friend. I took the case pro bono and have been seeing him ever since."

The shock on their faces was apparent and Scott just slumped back into his seat awaiting the onslaught.

"You—you're Snakes therapist?" Russ' voice eventually sounded out.

Jund paused… "Uhh, yes."

"So you're helping him, like really helping him?" Red inserted.

He just let the confusion wash over him and shrugged. "I'm trying. We have a lot of work to do. Snake doesn't trust easily, it's not in his nature. Thus we spend a lot of time together, or that's the idea at least, he has to want to let me in, he has to want to let me know, tell me what happened. Forcing him to reveal it to me just makes it worse, the stress could very easily make him slip into one of his blackouts and not come back."

"Is he really that bad?"

Scott's hand scratched at the back of his neck, "In a word, yes. I'm just not sure if I'm the best help for him anymore. The attraction aspect or whatever label you wanna put on it is putting more stress on him than he needs. While I hope you know I wouldn't throw myself on him or anything I can't really help what my brain thinks," with an embarrassed cough he added, "or how it causes me to respond."

"You can't give up on him!" Red exerted nearly jumping out of her seat. "All this, all of this is just such great news," she gripped Russ's hand in her own, "and he's finally getting help, and he likes you, like _really_ likes you. It's just we never even thought one of those was a possibility let alone finding out both are.

She stood and started pacing the floor. "You have _no _idea what this means. The things you don't know, they ruined him. I mean you know about his wife, but there are other things—"

Scott held up his hand interrupting her, 'No, don't. He has to be the one to tell me, I can't afford to find out any other way. My response, my genuine reaction to whatever it is… it could define everything."

Red nodded, "I understand. Just know, the missing pieces, it'll change everything. But going back to what you said earlier, about what happened in the basement, there's something there. Part of him is still trying to deny it, he doesn't think he should be allowed to care about anyone, didn't think it was possible, and to be honest, neither did we. He's been broken for so long, and that kind of pain never leaves, you can't heal that part of him."

Russ pulled Red back onto the couch dropping a kiss to her forehead as she pulled off the hat she had been wearing all day. Looking back to Jund, Russ shrugged, "We just wish he would have agreed to get help sooner. So many years have passed, it's just been building in him this whole time. He never dealt with it properly and I can't help but think we're responsible in a way. Back then, we were idiots, back then we would have rather ignored it than admit he might have had a problem; that the "invincible Snake" was just as human as the rest of us."

Scott was about to respond when the sound of glass shattering drew his attention to Red. Tears streamed down her cheeks, fist still extended towards her left where the lamp on the sand had once been.

Teeth clenched he managed to hear her squeeze out an apology before dismissing herself from the room, Russ following after.

Scott sat back on the couch in horror wondering what could have possibly happened to the man he knew to even reduce his friends to tears. What could a man like Snake not recover from?

He had no answers, none, not for any of the mounting questions he had, but the tight curl of fear in his stomach had him worried. He was doing everything he could but he also was filled with debilitating helplessness. All he could do was wait, so that's exactly what he did.

**—X—**

Scott Daniel Jund walked into his apartment after another long day at work. Closing the door behind him with a sigh and dropping his keys onto a hook, he was tired, exhausted even, too much had been on his mind as of late.

It's been three weeks since the incident out at Red and Russ' place and he'd not seen Snake since. Cry had kept in contact, let him know that Snake eventually made it back home after four days, but he still refused to have any contact at all with Scott, not even on the phone. He felt like Sisyphus, forever trying to win a losing battle, trudging on and on to only meet the same end.

Scott leaned against the door a moment longer before walking into his office swinging his suit jacket over his desk chair and clicking the voicemail button on his answering machine. Spam reached his ears and once deleted he undid the buttons on his shirt heading to his room to get ready for bed. It may have only been 10 o'clock but fuck doing anything productive for the rest of the evening. Throwing his shirt towards the laundry hamper he finished getting undressed slipping on a pair of plaid pajama pants he left on top of his dresser and turning around with a yawn.

"Jesus fuck!" he yelled startled. Snake was just sitting in the dark of the room. Just leaned back on Scott's bed against the wall, not moving whatsoever.

"Snake?"

No response.

Eventually he started walking towards him, and in all reality he had no idea or for-sure identifiers that it actually was Snake on his bed. For all he knew it could have been a burglar or a murderer, and if he was being honest with himself in that moment he wasn't for sure if Snake would be the safer or more dangerous option.

As he approached though he realized his initial assumption was correct and it looked as if Snake had fallen asleep on his bed. Not really sure what or which him to expect when he awoke or how he even ended up here in the first place, he settled his hand on the older man's arm to wake him.

The reaction was immediate. Snakes hand came swiftly up grabbing Jund's wrist as if he might need to pry him off with force. Scott froze.

Snakes eyes widened at the realization that it was indeed Scott who was there with him. Shifting his position a bit he realized his hold on the smaller man and released before sitting up against the wall a bit straighter.

"Where am I?"

Now it was Jund's turn to look confused. "Uhm, my house. My bedroom to be more specific, I kind of just found you here."

"Shit. Apologies. I hadn't meant to inconvenience you." he slid around Scott to the edge of the bed. "I should go."

"Snake wait, what's going on?" Scott blurted standing up and stopping him from leaving the room.

"What do you mean? I-uh I don't know how I ended up here, I already apologized, what more do you want?"

Scott sighed heading towards the door and sliding a hand along the wall until he hit the light switch. "You know that's not what I mean—"

His mouth dropped open in alarm and panic at the image before him. Snake was in black jeans and a white tee covered by a dark blue zip up jacket with the hood and sleeves up. All normal, except for the minor fact that the entirety of him was encrusted in dried blood.

It was smeared all over him, his face, hands, pieces of the dried blood that had been on his jacket had chipped off and were crumbled on his bed where snake had previously been; but the worst of it was on his chest sending fear spiking through Scott's very core.

Snake's face was painted in confusion at his companions reaction, "What?"

He swallowed hard, visibly shaking, "I-I think I know how, or rather why you ended up here tonight."

"What, how?" he asked exasperated at Scott's apparent and seemingly random oddness.

Jund just pointed at the taller man's chest unable to form words as questions swarmed his mind. The blood on Snakes chest was the most prominent thing about him, the words "You're Next," clearly spelled out in someone's blood and meant just for him.

Snake went into full panic mode ripping the jacket from his body and throwing it away from him as if it were on fire. His hands dug into the skin on his arm and bunching in the fabric of his shirt, shaking his head in disbelief. A small stream of the word "no," left his lips eventually losing his stance and dropping to the carpeted floor.

Scott was there in a second, pulling the broken man into his chest and speaking words of comfort. Fear was still there, but he wasn't focused on that, he had to worry about keeping _this _Snake here, he had to try to keep him from slipping into another blackout.

To anyone looking at the scene in his room they would assume Snake was the weak one, but it'd be utterly false. Everyone has a breaking point, it doesn't matter how strong or tough or durable you are, we're all breakable and Snake was no exception.

It's not like he wasn't human, Scott of course found himself wondering what could possibly break a man like Snake; fracture him so badly, no matter what his theories used to be he always came up empty handed. At first everything seemed to lead back to his service as a sniper, but even then it had never really seemed like a convoluted case of PTSD. Whatever happened, trying to bury his feelings about it and just never dealing with the pain had fractured his mind, and even then that's assuming no pre-existing condition was present before said trauma.

"Snake what happened, whose blood is this?" he finally managed to ask, worry clawing at his heart the entire time.

A hand gripped at his arm, Snake's head still resting against Jund's bare chest, "I don't know." A hand maneuvered below him digging into his pocket and handing his phone to Jund, "Call Cry, make sure he's okay." He looked down at his hand resting on the others thigh, "I-I need to get clean, I think I might be sick."

Scott agreed pointing him towards that bathroom attached to his room, "I'll let you know if I can reach him."

The sound of the dull ring dies off for the eighth time leaving the generic robotic sound of the voicemail tone. He had left a message to return the call ASAP with all the previous seven, the eighth would be no different. He begged for Cry to answer, but no call or text ever came back. He knew he wouldn't feel okay until he knew for sure, he needed to go. They'd both have to go and check for themselves, he wasn't about to leave Snake alone now, not unless he had to.

Heading to the laundry room with his ruined sheets to clean he also raided the dryer for a towel before he brought it into his bathroom, making sure to knock on the door to alert the now nude god—he wasn't gonna dwell on—in his shower.

"Come in," was heard even though he'd already started to open the door.

"Hey, uhm, here's a towel, thought you might need that."

The shower shut off suddenly, a hand pulling back the curtain and the other grabbing the towel hanging from Jund's hand a moment later.

As soon as the towel left his fingers the shorter man turned his back on the picturesque scene before him, back facing Snake, cheeks flaming.

"I really wish you'd stop doing that," he sputtered through gritted teeth.

He heard the man behind him chuckle, "Maybe when your reaction isn't so amusing."

Jund felt his mouth drop open at the retort in awe. _What a motherfucking tease._Shaking his head he swallowed and turned back around determined not to let him win and get the best of him, that and try not to stare. Fortunately and unfortunately all at once Snake had the towel already wrapped securely around his waist.

Scott glared at him. "Well maybe next time I won't bring a towel if that's the case, at least then I'd have an excuse to stare." He sighed breaking his gaze, "Come on then, I guess I can loan you some clothes. They might be a bit snug of a fit, but they'll do for now while I wash the old ones."

"Don't. Just toss them, I don't wanna remember, or rather not remember every time I wear them."

Jund looked back over his shoulder and nodded, understanding clear on his face.

Snake followed him back into the heart of the master bedroom and sat himself on the now sheetless bed while he watched Scott dig through his clothes drawers for anything big enough to fit him. He had been trying to avoid the doc for weeks now, of fucking course it was the other bastard inside of him that would deliver him not only to his doorstep but right into his bed, definitely the opposite of what he was going for.

In a lot of ways Jund pissed him off, his very presence forcing him to realize that he was different, that his body didn't quite react towards Jund like it did everyone else. He hadn't even looked at anyone else in a sexual or romantic way since his wife died, just thinking about it made his hands ball into fists gripping at the soft fabric of the mattress.

He had to admit to himself that there was _something_ about him, just a natural quality that made him want to relax, want to trust him, and frankly that scared him. A part of him wanted to believe that trusting him would be playing into some kind of trap. That his whole persona was just an act and was just to pinpoint all his vulnerabilities, to see the pieces of his broken mind and then shove them in a blender and watch him crumble. He knew it was irrational but that didn't stop his mind from questioning it, he just couldn't accept that anyone actually cared. He knew they pitied him, but caring was different, caring and having that ripped away would kill him, and he just didn't know if he was willing to put that much trust into someone, anyone.

Even if there was potential for something to be between them who would want to deal with the literal nothing he had to offer? He could still remember with fondness the tight-in-his-chest feeling of when Jund's back was pressed flat against him, arms going around his smaller frame showing him how to grip the gun correctly. He remembered his scent being seductively male, making him ache to bury his face into that slender neck. Even now where he could just watch him dig through his clothes, chest bare while he himself sat on his bed in just a towel, he could easily let his mind wander to where a situation like this could lead if he was normal.

He sighed, and people wondered why he hated himself. Sex had never been a big deal to him, a non-necessity if you will, especially since his wife passed. As far as he was concerned he had two more than capable hands of his own and an internet connection, what more did he need? He had always felt this way, but just now he was starting to question his self-inflicted celibacy, and the "innocent" flirting wasn't helping anyone.

Snake knew that while he was having these thoughts now, they were in his head, it was safe. In reality he was petrified of doing anything, people always got hurt because of him, and he hated it. It'd been a long time, too long, and just the mere thought of almost kissing Jund had sent him reeling, he couldn't bring himself to do it, he'd wanted to, he knew he had, but what would be the point, what was he to him really, nothing.

Jund looked over at Snake after he had a handful of clothes and frowned. He'd not said a word since he sat down, he had felt Snakes eyes on him occasionally but he hadn't been able to meet the others eyes, the tension in his stomach a little too real.

Shaking off the feeling he stood from his crouched position and tossed the clothes on his companions lap. "These should work for now, we need to get going anyways."

It was Snakes turn to stand and he quickly pulled the—too tight in the arms—brown shirt over his torso. "Going?" he questioned.

"Yea," Jund started, shuffling his feet back and forth on the carpet before throwing on his own change of clothes. "Cry never answered, nor Pewd's. I don't wanna jump to conclusions or anything, they could easily be on a date or at the movies, but I'd just rather we head over to be sure, I'd rather not chance something like this."

Snake made a small, if not a bit reluctant sounding noise in the back of his throat in agreement. Before Jund could ask further on it the older man changed the subject.

"No boxers?"

Trying to suppress a small grin Jund shrugged, "Nothing that would fit you. It's a shame really, most," bringing a hand to his mouth he fake coughed twice for dramatic effect, "unfortunate."

"Bastard."

Though his words were harsh Jund thought he saw a small smirk lurking at the corner of his mouth. He looked on unapologetically as Snake slid his muscled legs into the borrowed gray sweats and pulled them up as far as he could under the towel. He felt his tongue slide out to lick his lips of it's own accord as Snake removed the towel giving Scott a nice view of the practically sculpted hip bones before he pulled the fabric up the rest of the way.

Snake grabbed the socks left on the bed as well as the shoes he discarded before he got a shower and headed out the door. "You might wanna wipe off the drool before we get going."

Scott bit back some kind of sarcastic response before waving it off and following him, "I'll consider it."

**—X—**

They pulled into a dog park about a block away from Cry's place. Jund had a bad feeling about in the very pit of his gut that "something," wasn't right, though he eternally hoped he was wrong. Snake sat quiet beside him, both hadn't said a word the entire ride, the low music a false excuse not to break the silence.

With a sigh he turned off the engine pocketing the keys and stepping out of the car. The slam of the other door following shortly after. "You know you don't have to come, it's okay if you rather stay here."

Snake didn't answer him, turning his back to his companion and heading up the street towards their destination, "Let's just go."

The walk went by fast enough, too fast. Both men stood before the now suddenly rather ominous front door. Snake may have been living there but Scott could tell he was nervous of what could possibly lie inside. He could see Snake's hands shaking out of the corner of his eyes, and while he too was a nervous wreck, he also knew it couldn't compare to the fear Snake was experiencing.

Pulling out his phone for one last final attempt he hit the call button. Nothing. Not even a ring this time. With a shrug he slid the device into his back pocket and reached for the door.

He tried to ignore Snakes intake of breath as he turned the knob and tried again to silence the worry as he became aware that it was unlocked. His heart pounded away in his chest as he swung open the door and called out that familiar name.

"Cry?"

Just walking a bit into the house Scott could tell something was wrong, the hair on the back of his neck stood on end and just when he was about to call again he heard it.

A scream.

He could hear Cry screaming his name for help and before he even made the conscious decision to move his feet he was running up the stairs, brain only half noticing the bloody shoe prints on the floor.

Scott only saw a glimpse into the room before he turned pushing Snake back from going any further. "No."

"Scott, you can't, I have to help. He-he's family."

He pushed him back further. "No, this—no. Snake you can't. Listen, take my keys," he stated as calmly as he could while Cry's voice continued to call weakly for him, for anybody to help. Handing Snake the keys from his pocket and closing his fingers over them he looked up at him, "Go. Go back to my place and_ stay there_. Please. You can't be here when the cops arrive; and you can't know the contents of that room."

"Scott…I—"

"I'm fucking trying to protect you, now go!"


	8. Requiem & Resolve

**Snund**

**WCBH Part 8**

**WC: **8,403

**Warnings: **Graphic depictions of gore/mutilation

**A/N: **I know it's been over a month but you kind of know by now I'm a terrible updater. But at least I haven't given it up yet so yay for small victories. Extra-long chapter as promised, over 8K & into of 4 new characters, some are really OOC just warning you, so please enjoy. I like how it turned out but my opinion only counts for so much, so be sure to let me know what you think. Love you guys.

***Okay so it hasn't been a long wait for you guys but my peeps on tumblr had to wait over a month so, here you go either way. XD**

* * *

**VIII: Requiem & Resolve**

It didn't stop.

It just kept going and going, like nothing had happened at all. It didn't care that Jund needed more, it didn't care that his friends could be dying, and it didn't even care if he wasn't ready for that potential outcome. On and on it went. Not a care in the world. No amount of begging or prayer had ever stopped it before so why should now be any different?

Time was a bitch like that. It stopped for no one.

The clack of shoes against the white sheen of the floor never stopped, the bustle of doctors and nurses not slowing even as he felt his whole world start to crumble around him. This sickly sterilized smell of the hospital continued to clog his nose as the clock continued its incessant tick.

_Tick-tick-tick-tick_

Seconds, minutes, hours, passed and Scott still heard nothing. He paced the waiting room so many times that a nurse had to take him aside to tell him he was unnerving he others in the room. So there he sat, waiting, worrying, and trying not to think about what he had seen.

_Tick-tick-tick-tick_

Images flashed in his mind and he shook them away. Pulling his hair from the roots to dispel the images that now haunted him. His stomach still clenched with nausea even though he knew all of the contents had already been purged hours ago.

_Tick-tick-tick-tick_

He couldn't look at his hands, his clothes, they were still stained with the blood of his friends. He had washed his hands at least 20 times but the blood was still stained on his fingertips, resting in the groves making the swirls on his prints stand out.

He slammed his eyes shut trying to not see, but only seeing clearer as the result. He couldn't get _his_ voice out of his head, the screaming…

_Tick-tick-tick-tick_

He stopped looking at the clock ages ago. He couldn't stand to know how much time had passed. He desperately needed to know what was happening somewhere within this sterilized hell, but he was also crippled with fear at the thought. He refused to think on the person who was responsible for this, he didn't know what to think or feel anymore. He knew it was bad, but this, this was a whole different level. There was no coming back from this.

_Tick-tick-tick-tick_

Sleep was the enemy.

He couldn't submit to its enchanting thrall. His head bobbed back and forth, and for all his attempts he knew it was only a matter of time. He knew what was waiting for him, he knew what to expect, and he was afraid. He just wished it was a nightmare that was waiting to greet him, he wasn't ready to relive those moments, he didn't want to see the truth.

But eventually, eventually his eyes shut.

_Tick-tick-tick—_

The images are all too clear and he tries to shrink away from what his brain is trying to show him. It's futile.

He remembers his eyes the most. He sees them now. He never knew eyes could hold so much emotion, he never knew.

They were as blue as they had always been, and for some reason that doesn't seem right. It doesn't make much sense even to himself, but in that situation, it somehow felt wrong that their brilliant color hadn't diminished. Blood ran down from the top of his head giving him a morbid type of eyeliner that only made them stand out more.

They held so much emotion, relief, fear, pain, worry, confusion, desperation; they all stared back at him, spilling out their own story, begging him to understand, begging him for help.

Scott doesn't even remember calling the ambulance.

He tried to hold back the images as they shifted into what he had first seen upon walking into the room. He felt his insides tighten like he'd been kicked, he could feel the tears prick at his eyes but refused to let them fall like they had.

He remembered all the blood, the floor was soggy with it and that knowledge pulled at something inside him even more. He saw his silhouette and ran to him without thinking, not even fully grasping the situation, not really seeing what was before him. He could still hear the sickening sound his shoes had made against the carpet, but then the next thing he remembered he was on his back.

He's still not sure how it happened but he just remembered looking up and seeing Cry from that angle and it tearing at something inside of him. Everything in him was so chaotic, he doesn't even know what he was feeling, what he was thinking. He had puked on the spot.

Cry looked like he was some kind of offering. A deadly human marionette; his head forced back to look towards the ceiling, arms suspended at his sides and standing on one leg. He looked almost crucified, being offered to whatever god would have mercy on him.

A shiver ran through him as he remembered getting to his feet only to see that razor wire had dug into his flesh, his arms practically serrated. To his horror he realized that he must have struggled despite the pain, he own hands shook at the thought.

The wire wrapped around his neck and head was anchored to his leg, the more weight he rested on his leg the deeper the wire cut. He was a bloody mess, he couldn't even tell how deep the wounds were. There was so much blood, skin was peeled back against his forehead, his neck, he couldn't even tell how bad it was. He remembered how his whole body had started shaking at the realization he might have lost too much blood.

He closed his eyes, he didn't want to see anymore, he didn't want to remember anymore, wasn't once enough?

Apparently not. It had been quiet, his own thoughts filling his brain as he looked on the most heinous moments of his life. He wanted this to end, but then it started. It was soft at first, he barely noticed it, but apparently you can't run from your own memories. Not in a dream.

The screams grew louder, echoing inside his head. Cry begging him for help, demanding him to help Pewds, screaming at him to make sure he was still alive. He tried to say more but started choking, screaming as the wire cut deeper into his throat.

At the time he hadn't had a moment to think on it and just did as he was asked but now, now he realized what love can do. Cry hadn't cared if he only had moments left, he wanted to know why Pewds had stopped talking, why he stopped responding. Why he had been screaming in the first place.

His chest tightened as he remembered scanning the room for another and not seeing him right away. His heart had thrummed erratically in his chest. Why hadn't he heard him yet? Why was he not saying anything? He could feel his blood rushing in his ears as he tried to stay calm, but it was much too late for that. His blond hair had been stained red, a knife protruding from his back, his body unmoving on the floor. Cry had loved him more than himself, and when he looks back on that now, he can't even imagine what he must have gone through. Hearing Pewds screams, or even worse when the stopped hearing him at all.

Tears pricked at his eyes again, only this time he let them fall.

Scott's whole body jerked and a small yell of protest left his lips as he was jolted awake. A hand automatically came to clutch the fabric at his chest as his heart pounded faster from the sudden movement.

He would have suspected a nurse but instead he came face to face with a young officer. His eyes had grown wide at the sudden outburst but the grim line of his lips remained.

The man cleared his throat as he seemed to wait for Jund to get his bearings, tried to ignore how he wiped the residual tears off his face with a sleeve. "Scott, right?" he asked taking a seat across from him.

Jund nods taking a sip from a bottle of water he bought at a vending machine earlier. His whole body was tense, he was not looking forward to this.

"My name is Ricky," he stated holding out and shaking Scott's hand. "Now before we get on with the business side of things I was told by a nurse to inform you that your friend Cry is out of surgery."

Scott jumps to his feet immediately, his body ready to look for someone, anyone who can tell him more before he feels a hand on his should pushing him back down. Scott sends the officer an icy glare.

"Now hold on a second," he starts, smartly removing his hand off his shoulder before gesturing for Scott to sit back down. "Let me finish. Cry, your friend, he's out of surgery but still considered in critical condition. He's most likely going to be fine but his wounds were severe, he had to have a blood transfusion not to mention the amount of damage done to his throat and wrists. They've done all they can for him, but with any kind of transfusion they have to be careful, if all goes well you should be able to see him sometime tomorrow. Understand?"

Scott grinds his teeth together but manages to nod in response. He shouldn't be angry at the officer but right now everything is grating on his nerves. He knows where this conversation is going, and he doesn't want to have to make the call he knows he has to make. This was not supposed to happen, this was so much more than he bargained for. Though he was glad for any information at all. He sighs.

"Thanks, officer."

"Ricky."

He feigns a smile, "Thanks Ricky."

"Don't mention it, it's kind of my job. Plus I'm gonna need you to come with me. This is no place to take a statement like the one you're gonna have to have, and well, I'm gonna be honest, it doesn't look that good for you."

Scott and been ready to nod and acquiesce until the last part of that statement caught his ears. "Wait, what? You think I had something to do with this?"

Ricky cleared his throat, "Nothing's for sure, and you're not under arrest," he paused, "yet. We just have to follow procedure. I'm not the bad guy here, but someone's responsible, we're just doing our job."

The common sense in Scott's brain knew what the officer meant. The rational side of his brain agreed and knew he was just doing his job and that it'd be easier on everyone if he just went to the station and told them the truth. It wouldn't even be hard to prove, all the evidence was most likely at his home, hopefully anyways, if the man listened at all. And even more so as Cry would be awake soon and he could just tell them himself.

He knew all of this, but he also knew he was tired, he was hurt, and most of all he was angry. Rationality had left the building the moment he saw his friend strung up like a human marionette left for dead, the moment he had to look into those blue eyes and see that kind of fear and desperation of what had been a dying man.

In all honestly it was bad timing. Had he been allowed a few more hours to cope, take in the fact that Cry was alive and most like going to be okay, maybe then it would have been okay. But just at the moment rage consumed him. His hands shook despite the fierce grip he had on his knees, his eyes not focusing on anything but his head ringing with those words.

_It doesn't look good for you. Nothing's for sure. Someone's responsible._

"Am I a suspect?" Jund managed to grind out through clenched teeth, his voice distorted as he tried to stay calm.

The officer across from his rung his hands in what he guessed was a nervous habit before answering with an admittedly guilty sounding confirmation.

Rational Scott would look on what happened next as perhaps the worst decision he's ever made in his entire life. Irrational Scott felt fully justified, a smirk even daring to graze his lips as the officer's nose gave a sickening crunch under his fist.

**-X-**

"I told you before I wasn't thinking. I just saw the blood and immediately turned him around and told him to leave. You don't—you can't understand how fragile his mental state is. Seeing his best friend like that, seeing what he doesn't remember doing, it could potentially cause something much worse."

Scott's finger dug into the area at his temples. He had been incarcerated and put in a cell overnight for breaking the young officer's nose. Sometime early the next morning they drug him into interrogation and had been relentlessly badgering him for the same story over and over. It was now past noon.

Only about an hour ago when apparently Cry had woken up did they finally start believing his story and had changed the questions from, why did _you_ do it, to why did you let _him_ go? It was beyond frustrating.

The two men across from him none other than Officer Ricky himself, and what appeared to be his superior named Kirby or something of the like. Scott really hadn't been paying as much attention as he should have.

Kirby seemed to take this last bit of information like he had everything else Scott had said, with blatant disinterest. Like nothing he said mattered or bothered him one way or the other. He watched as the man took a long drink from his coffee mug and frowned.

"And you expect us just to believe that this psycho doesn't even remember what he's doing? How do we know you're not protecting this freak? How are we supposed to believe he's just not playing you like a," he looked to his left at the other officer with a bandage taped across his nose," what instrument was it again?"

Scott sighed watching the one named Ricky rub at his chin in a thinking gesture.

"Fiddle."

Both of the officer's gazes locked onto him. "Huh?"

This time Scott rolled his eyes. "Fiddle. You know, the instrument. The saying you're talking about. You wanted to know how I know if he's just playing me like a—"

"You know what never mind," Scott sighed again rubbing at his forehead once more as he noticed how off-track they were getting. "It doesn't matter. I know because I'm not just some hobo off the street, I'm not his best friend or buddy, I'm his doctor. I'm trained to deal with this kind of thing, he's my patient and I made a mistake in underestimating how fast his mental state was deteriorating. That is on me," he stated pointing to himself as he sat up a bit straighter. "But you have to understand officers, part of him is in the dark here. Think of it as two personalities in the same body, one, the good one, constantly fighting the dark. That's the one we see every day, that's the one that most people will see and interact with. The other, the darker side of him, it gets triggered sometimes and brings that darker personality out. It's malicious and apparently deadly. Until yesterday I just thought it was, to be blunt, kind of an asshole with a mean right hook. There was no inclination that he was homicidal."

Kirby glared at him and looked like he was getting ready to lash out with another unproductive comment when a loud knock came to the door. A slight snarl had still been upon his lips as he excused himself from the table to answer it.

Scott's head continued to throb, he just wanted to get out of there. He had so much yet to get done. Snake weighed heavily on his mind, he had failed the man. He had no idea he would escalate to such extremes so fast, he never would have sent him away had he known what was behind that door.

His options had been narrowed down to nothing, his choices taken away. There was nothing else he could do, this really was all his fault. If he had spent less time fawning over the man and more time doing his job this would have never happened. A part of him knew that that wasn't exactly true. He had done a lot, but he should have recommended him to a facility when he realized he had violent tendencies when put under pressure. He should have called a specialist at the very least to consult with; why was he such a monumental fuck up?

A feminine voice called the Ricky officer over by the door where they were still talking in hushed tones. This time they closed the door behind him leaving Scott alone with his thoughts. _Great. _

The more he thought about it the more useless he felt. There wasn't anything he could do, so why worry? If it was all as easy as that he'd be a much happier man. He knew he had to get to Snake before they did, and that's assuming they haven't ransacked his house looking for, "evidence." Being the therapist is this situation the whole thing could be solved rather quickly if he was able to talk to Snake first. If he could try and convince Snake to turn himself over to him so he could take him to a proper facility instead of the station and have everything he needed to try and get him the right kind of help. Then again that's assuming he hadn't gotten worse.

Of course he'd insist on still seeing him at the very least once a week to make sure of his mental health and track his progress. He truly did want to help his patient and it had absolutely nothing to do with possibly getting attached to the man in any way whatsoever; or at least that's what he was going to let himself believe.

The dull ache in his chest also reminded him that he had to get to the hospital at some point today and see Cry. Worry still gnawed at him and in this case seeing was believing, and he knew he wouldn't stop until he saw the man with his own eyes. He needed to shake that fear that still gripped him, and he needed to be there for the man in return. Having your best friend do that to you and your partner, and the thought of Pewds…

His thoughts tapered off as the door opened once more but instead of the male officers he had met before it was a women. His eyebrows rose in interest at this new development. She was beautiful, there was no doubt to that, but she also had a presence about her that was not to be taken lightly. No, he'd bet anything she was the head of the department or at the very least the investigations office. She was as taller than him to be sure, but that wasn't really saying much and she wore a tailored suit without the jacket, the gray vest hugging her feminine figure. She had good taste.

He must have been starring a little too long because suddenly a cough distracted him, eyes rising from the vest to meet a very icy glare.

"Were you checking me out just now Mister," she opened and glanced at a file in her hand her previously hadn't noticed, "Jund?"

"Doctor."

"What?" she asked again voice piercing right through him.

"It's Doctor," he stated clearing his throat, "and the answer you're looking for is no. I was admiring your power suit."

He visibly noticed her take a less domineering stance and her face relax as she leaned over the table almost conspiratorially raising an eyebrow. "Gay?"

He smirked, "Very."

She nodded as if this confirmed all her suspicions and rotated her shoulders as if dealing with a gay man was slightly more relaxing than a straight one. He was almost offended but the more he thought about the more he could understand that point of view. He couldn't imagine having to deal with the pigs she no doubt had to deal with, while also not murdering them point blank for staring, and stare they would if he knew a thing or two about men.

"Now, Doctor," she started dragging his attention to her once more, "let me just start off by saying I work with a bunch of cunts. Please excuse them and their abominable so called "interrogating," abilities. I'm sure your brain feels as if it's rotting form the inside out."

Scott blinked. To say he was surprised at her introduction was a massive understatement, but it was definitely refreshing from the constant barrage of mind-numbing questions he had to deal with earlier. She was definitely much more interesting. Her British accent and blunt terminology concerning her colleges capabilities definitely helped put a better atmosphere into the room. They could definitely learn a thing or two from their superior.

"I'm fine I promise," he replied in a half laugh. "No permanent damage done."

She laughed good-naturedly at that and held out a hand. "I'm Minx. None of that Miss or Mrs. or Officer stuff from me. I hate that holier-than-thou attitude even if I am the Chief. I don't shove my title down anyone's throat unless I have to."

He took her hand and her lead and told her to just call him Scott. He figured that was enough and he didn't need the Doctor title around her if she was going to be this laid back with him. He was pretty happy his deduction had be on point, though he did wonder why the Chief of Police had made a personal visit to him.

"I'm just going to tell you to relax now. We're not holding you here on anything and I know you're innocent, but if you wouldn't mind I do have a few questions I'd like to ask to help me figure out just what happened. The oafs in here earlier have no idea what they're doing and are lucky I'm not sending them back to the academy for training. Imbeciles, the lot of them."

"Not that you're wrong but how do you know I'm innocent?" he pondered allowed.

She smile at this. "I had my best go to the hospital and talk with your friend. He gave us a full report, or at least the best he could before becoming too tired to go on. It seems your name has been cleared of all suspicion."

Scott felt a huge weight off his chest at the thought of Cry really being okay. At least that's something. After a small pause he conceded to her request and they talk for a while over the basics of what he found and saw. While he felt physically sick all over again by the end of it he was much happier for the company and for someone who actually seemed capable of understanding the situation at hand. She had already known most of it and just wanted confirmation on most topics. She also wanted to know how long he had been treating Snake and how close he was to the victims.

Minx seemed to want to know more about his personal approach to treating Snake and how far he had come since he first started, he was surprised and a bit relieved at her curiosity. Snake wasn't some "freak," but a person and more importantly his patient, someone who was not just the culprit, but rather a man who tried to get help.

"So Scott, am I to understand that this relationship was strictly professional?"

His eyes met hers and all previous thought left his head. He hadn't planned on answering this question and he knew he couldn't lie. And to say they had a professional relationship alone would be true when it came to technicalities, but looking at the whole picture some might say otherwise. The fact that Scott needed time to think at all was derivative to that fact.

He sighed before clearing his throat. "It's complicated."

Minx narrowed her eyes at him, the slight raise of her eyebrows indicating she was somewhat surprised. Whether that was because he was telling the truth or in general he did not know.

"How so?"

Scott felt his skin crawl with the possible implications running through her head, but decided the truth was probably the best way to go here. He swallowed, "Once when he was his "other," self, the time I mentioned when Cry had called me over, he…well, kissed me. I mentioned earlier he got physical with me and while distracted Cry had tasered him. I didn't go into detail obviously, but by physical I meant he came on to me."

Minx's eyes never left his face but she interlaced her hands in front of her and took a deep breath. "I see. Anything else?"

"When I told his what we'll call, "normal," self it did not go well. However, it became clear that the attraction was mutual to both parts of him, at least to some extent. Nothing more ever happened, everything else was just how I told you. No one ever crossed that line of professionalism."

Minx nodded seemingly in thought. A short silence fell over the room before she wrote something down in the folder she was looking at and looked back you at him.

"And what of you Doctor, was this attraction mutual on your behalf as well?"

Scott could feel his cheeks flush at this but he didn't hesitate to answer. "I found him attractive, yes. I don't know many who would argue otherwise."

He saw a slight quirk to the brunette's lips at that. "Indeed," being all she said.

He watched as she wrote some more notes in silence all the while silently hoping that this wouldn't affect his position in helping with the investigation and retrieving Snake. He knew he fucked up, but he had never meant anything to get to the point it had. They didn't need to know he had a gun point at his head at one point. It had an empty clip anyways, no point in dredging up that incident unless he had to.

"You've been unusually helpful in this investigation towards your patient," she added tapping her pen against the files, "did he not sign a Doctor-Patient confidentiality agreement?"

Scott nodded. "He did but it went null and void after the," he paused there for some reason, images flashing before his eyes in an unwanted montage. He coughed wiping nonexistent spit from his mouth, and morphing his face back into his usual professional mask. "Uh, after the incident at Cry's place."

Minx made an approving noise in her throat. "Was there agreed upon terms for this or is this just the way your run your office?"

"Bit of both to be honest. Since I was doing his work pro bono I told him that if it came to authorities it wouldn't matter, I'd do what I thought was best for him."

This time she nodded. "Okay well that about sums up all the questions I had, is there anything else you would like to add?"

Scott sat back in his chair and raised an eyebrow. Why had no one asked him where, what? Something was not adding up and he had to be there if Snake was going to be picked up, he had to be. All the work he'd done to create an alliance would go out the window if these god-awful buffoons were allowed to just pick him up. It was already gonna be hard enough to convince him that he needed to go to a facility. To tell him what he'd done, fuck, he'd almost forgotten he still didn't know.

"I need to be there when you pick him up."

Minx widened her eyes at this. "Are you saying you know where he's at?"

"Where he's supposed to be anyways."

"Why wasn't I informed of this earlier, he could be long gone by now?"

Scott shrugged, "I told those guys earlier exactly what I had done. He may or may not still be there, hard to say to be honest. Really depends on his state of mind."

"God fucking—" she took a deep breath through her nose letting it out just as slowly. "I swear I'm the only competent worker in the building. Fucking cocksukers, why? Why do I let anyone else do anything? Incompetent fucking—"

Scott lost whatever the Chief had been saying and just watched in fascination at her developing anger. Her fingers eventually came to rest on her brow and glanced towards the patiently waiting doctor.

"You see what I'm dealing with here? It's amazing I get anything done, truly it is."

Scott didn't answer and just let the slight tilt of his mouth rest on his lips as he watched her compose herself once more into a more professional state.

"What is it you would like to do exactly?"

"Look," Scott started trying to sound as confident as he could despite his obvious lack thereof, "Snake is responsible for some heinous acts of violence, against his friends no less. He has no idea, he doesn't even know where I am. He just knows there was blood and that he most likely did something terrible. I need to be there. He doesn't need a holding cell or an interrogation room, he needs his friend and therapist, a person of trust. And he needs to go to a place where he can get help, where he and others are safe. I'm afraid if too much happens at once it will trigger the other him to come out and we really don't want that at the moment."

Minx leveled him with a suspicious glance. "Why do I get the feeling you're pleading with me?"

His shoulders rose in a slight shrug, "Because I am. As far as I'm concerned he's still my responsibility and as such I have the duty to make sure everything goes as smoothly as possible. I'll work with the police on this, obviously, that's a given. I'm just asking you to give me a chance to talk to him before a bunch of officers apprehend him out of the blue. Like I mentioned earlier he's fragile. I think I can convince him to come with me to a facility. I do however request that I be kept informed of everything and continue to have weekly secessions to see what I can do for him, mind you in a safer environment."

"I think we can work something out. If what you say is true then he'll need to feel safe in order to ensure the safety of my team as well as yourself. The higher chance we have to avoid another incident the better off we'll be."

Scott smiled and let out a relieved breath he hadn't known he was holding. "I'm glad we agree."

Minx stood up gathering the folders from the table before she motioned for Scott to follow. "I'll set up a team and we can discuss how exactly were going about doing this. I don't want any other mistakes."

Scott followed and nodded, "Sounds good."

"Where is he located anyways?" she asked as they finally made their way out the stuffy room and into the hall.

"My house."

**-X-**

Snake liked to think he was usually a pretty put together person. This was the exception. His mind was at war with well…his mind. Knowing there's a bloodthirsty side to yourself that you barely have any control over is not the most relaxing way through life. He couldn't get those bloody clothes out of his mind or the way Scott had pushed him away.

_I'm fucking trying to protect you, now go!_

His words rung through his head throughout his time at Scott's place. At first he'd been furious, but then confusion set in. He wasn't sure why he let the smaller man push him away, why he listened at all, why he left and went to his house like some toddler following directions. That in of itself struck him as massively out of character. Then again, maybe not. The more he thought the more he realized how much influence Scott really had when it came to him. When did he become so attached to the man, when did their dynamic change?

Snake shook his head, why did everything have to go downhill so quickly? His condition got worse the better he started feeling. Scott was definitely helping his state of mind he was sure of that, even if he did sort of run away. He sighed. He still wasn't exactly proud of that, he'd been trying to muster up some courage to apologize and resume sessions with the doc but he kept putting it off. Apparently his more assertive self didn't see a problem with delivering him not only to his doorstep but in his bed no less.

He felt a faint flush reach his cheeks the more he thought about the doctor. They'd been flirting for a while now, and he wasn't quite sure what to think about it. It seemed harmless enough but somehow knowing he'd already kissed the man, even if he didn't remember, it made it easier. Like because his other-self made a move he'd never have to cross that line, like it helped sooth the sexual tension. I mean if he occasionally wondered what it would feel like to press his lips to the other mans it wasn't a big deal. He knew the bounds of professionalism and it wasn't like he was in the ideal of conditions anyways.

Thunder rumbled outside loud enough to rattle the windows and draw Snake from his current string of thoughts. He shifted his weight on the couch turning off the TV that seemed to serve only as background noise. The window was splattered with racing raindrops and he could almost smell the moist outside air seeping into the house. Gloom seemed to want to follow him today, may it be weather or state of mind it didn't seem there would be much difference.

The fact that Scott still hadn't made it home didn't sit well with the slightly older man. He could still feel Scott's hands pushing him away, hear the panic and fear in his voice. The whole situation unnerved him. His hands massaged into his scalp, not really soothing but more like trying to stimulate the answer into his brain by sheer force of will.

When it came right down to it, Snake had to admit he was afraid. He didn't know what he had done and it killed him, ate at him both physically and mentally. Cry still never answered his phone, and now Scott wouldn't either. All that blood, God what had he done?!

The massage had slowly turned into him pulling at the roots of his hair the more aggravated he got. He tried staying calm but it just wasn't helping anymore. He was silently screaming in his head and no one could help him. Why did it always end up like this? He just wanted to be able to control it, he didn't want to hurt anyone, and he just wanted to remember.

A rogue tear slide down his cheek and it was like the last straw, the last failure he could handle and he lost it. With an angry and frustrated growl he stood grabbing his coffee mug from the table and watching as it smashed against the television screen. The force not only damaging the screen but shaking the whole thing off balance so that it fell from the entertainment stand with a crash.

Snake stared at the damage before he turned and left the room flopping belly first on Scott's bed, face buried in a pillow. He didn't even care, all the anger seemed to drain out of him, he didn't even have the energy to scream. That just further proved to him right and that everything that could go wrong would. He sighed, air brushing up past his cheeks and ears making him shiver before he briefly contemplated stuffing his face down further into the fluff to see if he'd suffocate. He tossed the idea aside as he figured he'd probably find out a way to fuck that up too.

_"You really are just a whiney bitch aren't you?"_

Snake's head snapped up as if someone had splashed him with cold water. His eyes searched the dimly lit room before he just blinked a few times in confusion. He knew he had heard that, that wasn't just—or was it?

"Hello?" he asked hesitantly to the empty room feeling more than a little ridiculous.

He waited a few minutes sitting up on the bed to see if there was any kind of response. When nothing happened he shook his head and relaxed his muscles. He knew he had issues but hearing things is never a good sign.

_"Maybe 'stupid' bitch would have been more accurate."_

Snake jumped off the bed this time circling the room looking for an answer to the voice her heard. "Who's there?"

_"Way to prove my point buddy."_

Snake stiffened. He remembered that voice, it was his. Like a recording of his voice, he'd heard it every time he'd lost control. He slammed his eyes shut willing it to stop, to just go away. It had never been like this before, always in the dark of his mind, never like this. He wasn't crazy, he wasn't!

_"Wishing me away won't help you much, that's not exactly how things work around here._"

"Shut up!" he roared.

_"Yelling isn't much more productive I'm afraid."_

Snake sat on the edge of the bed hyperventilating. This could not be happening. Why is it getting worse, why does everything have to get worse?

_"Oh but it is happening," the voice said with too much enthusiasm. "I can't tell you how excited I am about this new dynamic to our relationship. I was wondering when you'd get up the nerve to take this thing we have going to the next level."_

"Get out of my head. Just fuck off."

_The voice seemed to find amusement in that and made a sound like a deep, reverberating chuckle. "Would that I could babe, but I'm already in your head."_

Snakes head swam with a panicky fear. He was really losing it, did he have no control left at all? "What do you want with me?"

_"Well to help you of course. And let me tell you something, you desperately need it."_

"Why the fuck would I ever turn to you for advice? You're a monster."

_"Correction, **we're **the monster."_

Suddenly Snake was finding it hard to breathe. He was right, remembering, when it came down to it meant nothing. It was still him, which part didn't matter, his hands had still done all those things. Not to mention whatever was in that room.

_"I could always tell you what we did, you know, if you're interested."_

"Don't say that," he managed to grind out temper starting to fray once again, "don't say, we. **We** didn't do anything, that was you. That was all you. It's always you!"

_The sound of a sigh seemed to echo in his ears. "Am I to take that as a 'no' then?"_

His hand seemed to fist in the sheets as he tried to calm himself. "No," he paused. "No, just give me a minute."

He wanted, no, he needed to know, but at the same time he got this nagging feeling that this decision wasn't a good idea. I mean it's one thing to talk to yourself, but a complete other when you converse with the side of yourself you trust the least. The side that takes over who you are, the darker side no one's supposed to let out, it's even worse when it responds. Then there was Scott. He wanted to trust him, that he would come back soon, that he would explain everything and tell him it was all going to be okay. He needed someone to trust and right now he honestly didn't know what to do or believe.

_"Ugh, Scott, Scott, Scott. I'm so tired of you thinking about that insufferable prick. He's only going to hurt you."_

"I thought I told you to stay out of my head. And what the fuck would you know, you know nothing about him."

_"And you do? Oh please do enlighten me."_

"Just shut up for fucks sake. He'd never hurt me."

_"Oh really? And where do you think that bastards been, hmm? Not here that's for sure. He's not going to help you, not anymore. Not after what we did."_

Snake felt his chest tighten at those words. "What did you do? I was covered in blood, what the fuck did you do?"

_If a shrug could be heard in a voice this one pulled it off, "Just had some fun. Had to give Scott a little gift of appreciation that's all. You know, for all his hard work."_

A fist slammed into a wall and it shook the room. "Tell me!"

_"Not until you do something for me first."_

"What?" he asked exasperate. "What do you want from me?"

_"To fucking get the hell out of here. It's not safe, and I don't want to go down with your sorry ass because you're too stubborn to save yourself."_

"What the fuck are you even talking about? Scott's gonna come back, he's not just gonna give up on me and not come back to his own home."

_"You really are dumb. Fine, you're right I'm sure Scott will come back, but not without backup. I don't know about you but a padded cell isn't my idea of good company."_

Snake was getting fed up with all this bulllshit. It was bad enough he was even holding a conversation like this but he'd about had enough.

"What are you on? Scott was trying to help me, why would he—"

And that's when it clicked. Where what he didn't know and what Scott did collided. All that blood, and Scott being MIA for over 24 hours, it makes sense, but Scott wouldn't let that happen right? He wouldn't just shut him in some facility, he wouldn't give up on him would he?

_"Don't be naïve. He's a doctor way before he's your friend. He's gonna show up here with cops say some little fake-ass heartfelt speech and watch as they throw you in a crazy suit and lock you up. Don't be stupid, get out of here while you can."_

Before Snake could even begin to answer he heard the sound of a car door slamming shut and felt his stomach drop. What if the bastard's right, is the only thing that circles through his mind and he slowly walks over to Scott's window and separates the blinds with two fingers peeking out into the wet driveway.

He lets out a sigh of relief as he sees the neighbor across the road running into the safety of her home. He almost feels silly for letting the voice turn him into some paranoid criminal. The relief is short lived however when he sees two cop cars pull up just a moment later. Suddenly it's like someone sucked all the oxygen out of his lungs and he doubles over like he's been punched in the gut.

_"Told you," the voice whispers almost smugly._

Snake pays the voice no mind as he looks and sees the pale, slim profile of Scott step out of the vehicle and he feels bile rise in his throat.

_"Get the fuck out of here."_

He's frozen to the spot hands now gripping at his knees and he doesn't know what to do. Stay or go?

_"Move fucker. Get out the back while you still can."_

"But Scott," is all he manages to get out aloud. His mind swarms with too many options and decisions all at once.

_"Scott is the one putting you in this mess. Get us out of here NOW."_

"Tell me what you did."

_"No, get us out of here."_

"Tell me," he demanded.

_"Not unless you get going right now."_

He's running out of time and he knows it. "Promise you'll tell me."

_"God fucking damn it. FINE. I promise. Happy now? Get moving!"_

**-X-**

Scott stood outside of the cop car and leaned back against the door, a sigh escaping his chapped lips. Well, it took a while, but he was here now. So much had happened in the last 48 hours he didn't know what to think of anything anymore.

He look down as his stomach squeezed uncomfortably. He hadn't been able to hold down food, nor was he hungry, but his stomach protested despite such things and he honestly just wished the queasiness would settle.

The sound of the other door slamming shut drew his attention and he turned around to face the officer. He had met her at the station, "brightest of the bunch," Minx had said, and he had to admit she wasn't a disappointment thus far.

Officer Krism, as she was called was most notably identified for an eyepatch she wore over her left eye. He never asked about it but the rest of her looked fairly normal. Dark hair that was pulled back and tan skin, she somehow seemed to exude power and presence. Even though she was about the same size as he was and had posssibly the most nonthreatening voice he'd ever heard, he got the feeling he wouldn't want to pick a fight with her, he wasn't afraid to admit it either. Not that it was saying much, Scott wasn't really the fighting type, he could hold his own sure, but it wasn't exactly his idea of a good time either.

He watched as Krism waved to the vehicle that had followed them before he saw Officer Kirby and Ricky step out. Ricky's nose wasn't in the best condition yet but Scott couldn't bring himself to care, he didn't want to be here anyways, not with them.

"Okay so we all know the plan right?" Krism's voice rang out to the three of them.

Everyone nodded.

"Good. Now Scott here take this," she said handing him a two-way radio, "and let us know if you require back up, and be sure to report the situation in general. I understand that he's your patient but he is a potential danger, to us and you. "

Scott held the radio in his hand feeling more than foolish. This whole thing felt ridiculous, like some fucked up dream that didn't make any sense. He understood what she said and told her as much before making his way towards his home. The rain had started up again and pelted him with its thick drops trailing their way down his face and neck. What perfect weather to display the perfect day.

He didn't pause until he got to the door and he hadn't meant to, but the now, what seemed like distant memory of him and Snake standing in from of a similar door struck him. He couldn't stop the shiver that ran its way down his back. He closed his eyes for a moment to try and dispel the feeling before turning the knob and finding it unlocked.

Walking into your own home should never be foreboding, he decided upon stepping into the familiar house, closing the door softly behind him.

"Snake?" his voice called out echoing too loudly to his own ears.

Upon no response he walked into the living room eyes widening as he saw the disaster that was once his television. He felt everything tense as he thought about the possibility of facing that other more volatile side of Snake. Carefully he brought the radio to his lips pressing the button down once he caught his bearings once more.

"Krism?"

"I'm here, what's the situation."

"I called his name once but so far it looks empty. The televisions been smashed but no other damage so far."

"Do you need us to come check out the place before you go further?"

"No," he said with more courage than he felt, "I got it."

"I don't like it. Be careful."

Scott stuffed the radio in his coat pocket glad that she hadn't pushed the issue of her coming inside just yet. If Snake was here, additional presence could make things much worse.

He strolled towards the kitchen for a moment and seeing nothing out of the ordinary turned towards the hallway. He knew he shouldn't be afraid, he'd shown no fear around his patient previously no matter what happened before, but he could tell it was different now. Yeah, he knew it wasn't "Snake," that was responsible, but it was still his hands, his body, and somehow knowing that a part of him was capable of that… it changed things.

He held his breath as he opened the door to his room. Looking back on it he wasn't really sure if he had hoped more for him to be there or not. There was no question of it now anyways, he was gone.

Radio to his lips he punched the button down once more. "You can come in, he's gone.'

"Are you sure?"

Scott stared at the words "Goodbye Friend," printed in permanent marker above his bed, sure it was possible for him to still be in the house but he knew better. This was his farewell, he didn't want to be found, at least not by Scott.

"Yes,' he replied a small crooked smile printed on his lips," I'm sure.

It didn't look good, but it was far from over. Scott would make sure of that.


End file.
